morning blossoms.

Pretty Much Bright Already

2012-02-17T20:34:00.000+07:00

Good evening my dearest pals.

It's been long time since the last time i'm writing with my point of view style on this blog. You know, the latest posts are written by some mellow-galau mode and yep, i'm enjoying those. I love using english metaphor, emphasize the meaning of words, and beautiful phrase. I don't know how it does look on your eyes, but at least that's what i was purpose to write. ;)

Holiday is almost over! This is February already, and three days from now, I will start my new semester in University. My 6th semester! Let's say yay! I am enough already with my holiday. It's getting bored at the moment. Recent days I only sleeping all day in my room and doing nothing except watching movie or internet-ing, and i have no one to meet here. My friends are going somewhere, my family lives separated with me, and everyone are disappear. Yuh. I don't know. I'm pretty lonely these days.

Just want to get you updates about your lovely A. Haha, long time no see my lists, don't you?

STUDENT AMBASSADOR

I was enjoying my role as Student Ambassador of Faculty Economics and Business UGM for International Students. Student ambassadors are chosen students who are responsible to assist foreigner student in campus for their first settlement in Indonesia.Whoaw, this is such a very great experience. You know, the only reason why i applied this job is because i want to try new thing! I want to practice my english and measure whether my english communication skills is understable enough or not. :)

I assigned by OIA to be Alica Bianca and Theresa Zotz's buddy. They are two female students from Pforzheim University, Germany, same place where my ex-- Aditya Rachman, if you remember :p-- went abroad for exchange program last year. It was such a great time with them, they are so friendly and wonderfully nice.

Sweet gift from Germany! Thank you Theresa :*

I also responsible for one of Andy's buddies, Ross Van Gulik, while Andy was not in town. Ross came from Australia and he is very charming. And yeah, he is so nice, of course.

JAKARTA INTERNATIONAL JAVA JAZZ FESTIVAL 2012

Try another new things! I applied to be the volunteer of Jakarta International Java Jazz Festival 2012.

I bet you all already know about this spectacular gig, one of Peter Gontha's masterpiece! And alhamdulilah, I got accepted as crew of Information Booth division. I'll be skipped my class for a week (27-4 March) and stay in Jakarta until the events is successfully done. This will be my very first experience to be voluntarily involved in music events or a concert. Hurray! Will get you a full update later, and let me know if any one of you who'll go there to be the witness of the best Jazz Festival of the year! We'll meet there :)

THIESS UNDERGRADUATE PROGRAM SCHOLARSHIP 2012

In the last few months, I tried my best and luck in one series of selection stage to join the Undergraduate Program of Thiess Indonesia. It is a scholarship with a future employment contract for students in universities all over nation from one of the biggest contractor company in Indonesia, Thiess Contractors Indonesia (TCI). I sent CV, essays-- maybe most beautiful english essays i ever writen-- and application form in the last day of submission deadline. Haha, still, the deadliner style as always. And month later, I received a call from the head office of Thiess in Jakarta and i was given the test and interview schedule. The test and interview for Yogyakarta and Central Java applicants was held in Kantor Pusat Fakultas Teknik UGM (KPTU), and yeay, got to be shortened, i passed my psychology test and continued to the Accounting test and the interview stage.

And it was the longest and most spectacular hour of my life. The interview was so...... I don't even remember how was it going. :')

Just pray for me pals... I might not expect much from this program, because the chance of success is very small. But for sure, I am so glad that i could be this far. The final results will be out in June, and i just can.. wait and pray :)

I think that's all the activities highlight of mine so far. You know, whatever happened in my life, I will always love to share to you all! I love you! :*

Lame, am I?

2012-02-16T01:18:00.000+07:00

This train bring off a part where the night partly vanished at the moment.
It cannot be proudly said that the morning would be very easy to find in seconds, just the reality is not good enough to make me want to wake up from this long night. A very long night, when we finaly find through our own hearts that we might be not belong together.

"It's not your fault. No one's fault."
One piece of your brain locus ensure you to not blaming your heart for every messed it causes. You understand the way you get it all by one glance, quick enough to realize that you're not even sober. You are paralyzed. Like a banshee under your bed, whispering to get some attention. They just cannot let you sing, stop by at the karaoke station and messed up with their feeling. They just can let you scream, without clearly know what you really shouted. They might be heard, but not listening.

You know you started to fill your heart with a pot of boiled water blended with sparkling sweet story of prior pages in your life. You wanted to live it all once again, you have that belief if you try you might have the classic sweetness of that without adding some extra sugar. But what? See that down curve figured on your face, you are not ready enough. You are not ready enough to taste those sugary feeling at the moment. You need to take your time.

Captivated.

2012-02-12T10:42:00.001+07:00

Let me introduce Bb, one of few greatest people in my life.

Once, i woke up in the morning and eventually prefer to step out from my comfort zone. I realize that shit happens all the time, and there are no exact border lines between the outer space or the beautiful victorian wallpapers. Duck is still ducking, people are kissing their asses each other, and no one could stop mourning about their A-class life.

All i know is, we only live once. And also die once. Sooner or later, we'll be dead, anyway. So, the second i realized that, i decided to live my life. Live my life, being a human. Create mistakes, then make it all up. I prefer not to hear what are people said.

Make fault, re-do the fault and laugh over the fault. There is no regret in eating a plate of Fouie Grass while people in the street let their bowel empty. Stop build thousand stupid excuses because no more view but the crystal clear feeling left unseen. You danced with your fool ego and pretty fly over the Asian ballroom.

"You are young. Someday when your hair turns to gray, you will trade anything to back to your 19 life. Live a captivating youth."

Try (Asher Book Cover)

2012-02-04T12:35:00.002+07:00

Daddy's Little Girl

2012-01-29T21:09:00.000+07:00

"Bad dream bad,dream go away
good dream good dream, here to stay,"

Suatu sore, di tengah perjalanan pulang saya dengan hujan rintik-rintik yang membasahi jendela kaca mobil. Mengantuk, dan menggigil. Kedinginan. Udara yang berhembus cukup kencang dari sela air conditioner membuat saya merapatkan diri ke mulut pintu dan jendela. Malas. Inersia yang cukup besar untuk tidak bergerak dan melakukan hal lainnya selain memandangi langit mendung yang memayungi kota Jakarta. Ah... Semua terasa sangat rumit.

Dalam lamunan, saya memejamkan mata saya, meresapi bunyi yang berasal dari rintik hujan yang beradu dengan kaca jendela mobil. Mungkinkah, hati ini berbisik. Mungkinkah ketika saya membuka mata, saya menemukan bahwa semua ini hanya mimpi? Mungkinkah segala hal buruk yang menimpa adalah luka yang tercipta dari imajinasi semata, hasil dari proyeksi kerja otak terhadap ekspektasi dan juga realita?

Namun suara Papa memaksa saya membuka mata.
"Tidur, dek?"
"Hm,"

Saya hanya menggumam tak jelas. Saya melihat matanya dari kaca spion, melihatnya mengemudikan kendaraan ini dengan bantal hati yang melapisi dadanya. Keberadaan bantal berbentuk hati berwarna merah dengan tulisan Jantung Sehat Rumah Sakit Harapan Kita berukuran satu pelukan tangan manusia itu sejujurnya sangat lucu, mengingat benda itu menempel diantara sabuk pengaman dan dada Papa. Papa jadi terlihat seperti pria dewasa dengan bantal unyu di dadanya.

Tapi sayangnya, tidak ada yang lucu.

Papa menggunakan bantal tersebut untuk menghindarkan bekas luka operasi dari tekanan sabuk pengaman. Ya, Papa punya sekitar sepuluh sentimeter keloit di dadanya, bekas operasi by-pass yang dijalaninya pada tahun 2009 lalu akibat penyakit jantung yang secara mendadak di deritanya. Bekas luka itu tampak mengerikan, dan Papa sering mengeluh sakit di sekitar keloit itu. Kata Papa, rasanya seperti memiliki sesuatu yang "hidup" di dadamu. Seperti kadang mereka tidur, namun sesaat kemudian mereka bangun dan berdenyut , membuatmu meringis kesakitan. Kalau sudah begitu, biasanya Papa akan mengaduh dan mengipasi keloitnya agar membuatnya "tidur" kembali.

"Harusnya nggak perlu ada keloit kalau Papa bisa ikut treatment pasca operasi," kata Mama.

Saya ingat Papa tidak melanjutkan perawatan pasca-operasi, yang mana sangat dibutuhkan untuk proses pemulihan dirinya dari operasi besar itu. Tapi, Papa tidak punya uang. Kami tidak punya uang. Operasi by-pass sendiri telah menghabiskan banyak sekali biaya, karena operasi tersebut adalah major-operation. Jantung Papa sudah tidak mempan lagi di ring karena sudah terlalu banyak penyumbatan dalam pembuluh darahnya, sehingga mau tidak mau para surgeon harus membuka tulang rusuk Papa dan mengangkat jantungnya-- kemudian memperbaikinya. Seperti mobil yang harus diperbaiki onderdilnya. Tentu saja membayangkannya membuat saya ngeri. Oke, bisa dibayangkan operasi semahal apakah itu yang membuat suatu jantung-- salah satu organ paling penting dalam badanmu-- bisa bekerja kembali dan memberimu satu kesempatan untuk hidup?

Kata Papa, operasinya mengerikan. "Seperti sedang ada di lorong gelap. Gelap sekali," cerita Papa suatu waktu. "Waktu itu Papa terus nyebut, nyebut, nyebut aja. Istigfar,"

Alhamdulilah, operasi berjalan lancar. Papa bilang rasanya seperti bangun dari tidur yang sangat panjang waktu pertama buka mata. Bahkan Papa sempat meracau. Halusinasi. Semuanya. Mama senantiasa mendampingi Papa, termasuk bagaimana harus menelan pahit saat temperamen Papa naik turun. Bagaimana harus meng-handle semuanya saat dilanda kesulitan finansial. Bagaimana harus tidur di lorong dan mandi di WC rumah sakit yang bau selama dua bulan karena Papa dirawat di Intermediate--suatu ruangan intensif khusus kumpulan penderita penyakit jantung yang menunggu jadwal operasi, yang berarti tidak ada ruang untuk penunggu pasien. Bagaimana harus menghadapi tekanan dari keluarga besar. Bagaimana harus menenangkan kedua anak perempuannya saat menangis histeris mendengar heart-detector yang berbunyi beep kencang saat Papa terkena serangan rutin. Bagaimana harus bisa memaafkan kesalahan masa lalu Papa dan tetap setia menjadi istri yang tegar...

You are such a great wife, Mom.

Mama nggak pernah berpaling dari Papa. For the ups and downs. Disaat Papa masih jadi seorang milyuner, sampai Papa yang nggak punya apa-apa. Disaat Papa masih muda, kuat, tampan, dandy, cerdas dan cekatan, sampai Papa dengan pengelihatan yang kabur, temperamental, lemah, kebingungan, botak dan irasional.

"Udah lapar dek?" tanya Papa tiba-tiba. Membuyarkan semua lamunan laraku tentang beliau.

"Belum, masih kenyang banget Pa dari makan siang tadi,"

"Bersyukur dek, masih bisa makan enak tadi," Mama akhirnya nimbrung.

Kami baru saja melakukan ritual yang sangat jarang dilakukan oleh keluarga kami pada saat ini : pergi ke Mall, makan enak bersama dan berkumpul dengan anggota lengkap, 4 orang, menghabiskan suatu quality time yang menyenangkan bersama-sama.. Sebetulnya, ini pernah menjadi ritual rutin mingguan keluarga kami di masa lalu. Namun tidak sejak Papa kehilangan pekerjaan, sejak Papa sakit, sejak saya dan kakak saya hidup terpisah untuk melanjutkan sekolah. Semua kebutuhan tersier ditekan dan dialokasikan untuk kebutuhan primer dan sekunder. Makan, dan sekolah anak. Satu hal yang saya kagumi dari orang tua saya adalah, sesulit apapun itu, mereka sangat berusaha untuk mengirimi kami--kedua anak perempuan mereka-- uang bulanan yang cukup dan memastikan kami mendapatkan pendidikan terbaik di Universitas Negeri. Memastikan bahwa kami tidak kelaparan dan tinggal di rumah yang bagus di perantauan kami masing-masing. Sementara mereka di rumah, hidup berhemat habis-habisan, mencari segala cara untuk membiayai hidup kami.

Hari ini judulnya adalah makan-makan traktiran kakak saya. Kakak saya telah lulus kuliah dan telah bekerja di suatu perusahaan KAP yang bonafit di Jakarta. Dia berbaik hati mengajak kami sekeluarga makan enak di restoran ala buffet. Bilang kalau saya norak, tapi for sure, saya senang sekali. Euphoria. Sudah lama tidak melihat orang-tua saya makan enak. Sudah lama tidak menikmati salah satu kenikmatan duniawi bersama keluarga.

Saya kembali melihat spion depan. Tergambar sosok Papa yang sudah menua. Dua kali lipat lebih tua dari umurnya. Beliau baru 53 tahun, tapi pasca operasi banyak sekali perubahan di diri Papa.

Papa jadi penakut. Papa hanya berani menyetir pada kecepatan 20-40 km/jam. Katanya penglihatannya tidak jelas dan juga mungkin trauma karena rangkaian tabrakan yang cukup parah 2 tahun lalu. Papa takut melakukan banyak hal. Papa jadi pelupa dan kebingungan. Faktor usia mungkin. Papa suka lupa jalan, suka kebingungan apabila ada sedikit saja pressure. Papa jadi sangat temperamental. Suka sekali marahin Mama, tanpa sebab yang jelas. Suka sekali adu argumen dengan saya. Mudah panik.

Saya bukan orang yang takut perubahan, tapi kali ini saya takut. Kasusnya berbeda, ketika orang yang kamu sayangi... Seperti bukan orang yang kamu kenal lagi. Sepanjang jalan, banyak sekali if conditional sentences yang berkelibat di pikiran saya.

"If only Dad never get this heart disease

If only Dad didn't resign his job 7 years ago...

Would he still be my favorite dad?"

Tidak sampai seperdetik, saya menampar pelan pipi saya. Saya merasa jahat sekali berpikiran seperti itu. Saya menangis dalam diam dan menutupi muka saya, berpura-pura tidur. Saya tidak ingin Papa dan Mama melihat saya seperti ini.

I used to be a daddy's girl. Saya manja dan sangat dimanjakan. Papa saya paling tidak bisa menolak permintaan saya. He bought me every kind of toys when i was kid. Semua yang saya inginkan. Permintaan akan mainan koleksi terbaru-yang kalau dipikir sekarang bisa digolongkan sebagai permintaan yang tidak reasonable- segala makanan mewah, baju bagus dan liburan yang menyenangkan. Orang tua saya benar-benar membuat masa kecil saya begitu indah. Dan saya sangat-sangat bersyukur untuk itu semua, meskipun semua kenikmatan duniawi seperti itu tidak bisa dipenuhi pada masa sekarang. Saya mengerti, bahwa untuk bahagia, kita tidak perlu hal-hal seperti itu.

Papa saya merupakan orang pertama yang saya kagumi di dunia ini. Beliau mengajarkan saya banyak hal.

Beliau menyempatkan waktunya sepulang kerja untuk mengajari Matematika dan bahkan membuatkan saya prakarya waktu SD.

Beliau orang yang selalu memacu anak-anaknya untuk belajar keras dengan memberi sogokan dinner di Pizza Hut dan membiarkan saya memesan Chicken Wings--makanan favorit pertama saya--sebanyak dua porsi.

Beliau adalah kebanggaan saya saat teman-teman di sekolah dasar ramai bertanya "Wah, Papa kamu artis ya? Mirip pemeran ayahnya Jun di sinetron Jin dan Jun! Ganteng sekali!" dan saya hanya tertawa.

Beliau adalah orang yang menggendong saya di pundaknya ketika saya ingin melihat pertunjukan di Sea World lebih jelas di antara kerumunan orang-orang, meskipun sebagai gantinya, lehernya menjadi keseleo akibat saya terlalu berat.

Beliau adalah idola saya......

...... sampai sekarang.

Meskipun Papa sudah tidak bisa menyetir dengan baik,

meskipun Papa terlihat lucu dengan bantal hatinya,

meskipun Papa membuat mobil kami menjadi langganan klakson mobil lain,

meskipun Papa jadi semakin sok tahu, penuh emosi dan tidak mau kalah dalam berdebat,

meskipun Papa tidak bisa lagi sering-sering mengajak kami makan keluar,

meskipun Papa tidak lagi tampan dan berambut lebat,

meskipun Papa suka menyebalkan dan kadang annoying,

meskipun Papa tidak lagi bisa membuat kami membeli baju-baju mahal,

meskipun Papa tidak lagi tampil dandy,

meskipun Papa kini bahkan tidak bisa berjalan cepat...

Semua mungkin bisa berubah 180 derajat dari kehidupan masa lalu. Namun ada satu yang tidak akan pernah berubah.

We will always love you, Dad.

What a Birthday Blast!

2012-01-15T16:01:00.002+07:00

I opened the door and my sight is centered in one guy, standing right in the center of my room. All I see is yellow light, and the fusion of colour papers, hanging on the ceiling. He was right there, smiling and.. Charming. OH MY GOD, Justin Bieber is now standing in my rooom!

A man-sized Justin Bieber paper doll. Oh My God.

So there I was. Beautifully shocking and speechless. For god's sake i've never be that amazed! I feel so damn surprised to see my room--which was already changed into a Justin Bieber's memorial stage, and i was shaking til death! And all of sudden, I heard people come through my door and yelled out "Happy Birthday!". My very great friends.

Surprised me, when Andi stand front of me and became one who handed the cake.

I looked around and found my very awesome friends there. Ruchi, Jupe, Vina, Febri, Andi, Rippy, Todi, Rifkha, Baldy, Pita, Randy, Rein, Dita, Mita and Dinda. They all smiling and wish me a great birthday while I made wishes right before I blew the candle. And I was literally tearing up when I see what's on the Justin Bieber paperdoll : Photos from my closest friends greeting me a happy birthday! (even also from my lil-crush guy! Cheesus!)

The back of JB's paperdoll. Awesome!

My spontaneous expression when find out who's people in those pictures.

Mamaaaa....

Amazingly amazed.

I'm tearing up!

Cake Moments :D

My first cake, for Rusyda Afina!

For god's sake, that was the best birthday i ever had. Seriously. I'm feeling so blessed and thankful to God because i still have my best persons here! People who willing to spare their busy time, in the middle of final exam term! Come on, what else can i ask more to You, Lord?

So here the behind the scene photos report!

Jupe, Rifkha, Vina and Ruchi. My best loves :*

They were decoring my room! How lovely :3

Ruchi & Rippy. They are my loveliest buddy :*

They were hiding in the upper terrace near my room. Sorry for made you all wait!

Thank to you all!

Those all planned and arranged by my Rusyda Afina. She started her plan by come to my room in the morning and give me a very cute surprise : a box contains greetings from my old friends and family! I cried so hard when i knew whose greetings are in that box. She also brought me my very first favourite food in my life : Pizza Hut's Chicken Wings! Gosh, how does she know? I bet she's intervewing my sister. haha. :D

I thought it's all done until the night comes and yeah they all appear at my dorm. Haha. I also got another present from Ruchi. She gave me a hair dryer, complete with a hair conditioner! Haha she knows that I often have a problem with hair. But, still. Justin Bieber part is the best of the best! Ruchi, Todi and Rein made me a Justin Bieber! They crafting it by theirselves! Thank you, thank you. I can not stop to thank you!

Ah you know how i really love birthday. In your birthday, you have anything. People texting you, greeting you a great happy birthday. They set your name on their Blackberry Messenger status, as a sign that they're simply celebrate your day. The day of yours! And mine is 12th of January. So, it's been three days since my very lovely birthday , and yap i'm a three days 19 years old girl. :)

I also got a very special Sushi Cake from my Civil Pals. They came to my dorm in the middle of the night and give me a Sushi Castle with the candle up on it. They also made me a very cute board contains the greetings from my civil pals. And I got a beautiful wallet from my lilo Arum. Thank you Arum, Yudi, Alders, Satya, and Ryan! Thank you for coming!

And... I received a special presents from my parents and my sister. My mom bought me a pair of high heels and two perfumes, Angel by Thierry Mugler and Pleasures Delight by Estee Lauder. And my sister bought me a pair of Crocs shoes and a beautiful blue handbag. Thank you mommy, sista and daddy! I miss you all.

See how much your loveliest friends could be your first reason not to worrying and galau-ing your short life, huh? Thank God, I'm the happiest nineteen girl ever! :*

This is The Feeling

2012-01-05T19:38:00.001+07:00

Yes, this is the feeling when you playing on repeat The Scientist from Coldplay on 12:43 AM.
You cannot sleep, you just know that something burdening your head. You've just given your dorm mate a Birthday Blast, ate the strawberry cheese cake, laughing and playing with her cat, but deep inside you can not flee from the emptiness. The crowd it brought in front of your nose is not working, not great enough to making you feel happy. Your mind is obviously unclear.
You back to your room, leave all the crowd and yes, playing this song. Song which could draw the chart of your story of life currently. You turn off the lamp, laying on your bed, seeing the ceiling. Looking whether it's still a life sign in Twitter. You found nothing. All you just do is reading your own timeline. Your pathetic timeline. Mostly are monologue tweets. You love to tweet. You love to tweet quotes and great sentences. Then your eyes come up in one of those latest tweet. You said, "Bitch always ended up lonely. Not only in Gossip Girl,".
You show your grin. That's it, the tweet is a reflection. You just realized that you are a kind of that woman.
No, I'm not. You're up to the denial stage. You starting sight for an excuse. But at the end, you know that you lose everything.
Your beloved old friend got the great news that he no longer lives in your shadow. Yeah, he is your best friend. A life time love. One who ever be abandoned by your pity self for years, now is somewhere but your side. You regret it, you want him back. You absolutely knew that it sounds selfish, but it is. You are selfish. Outside, you can tell with a pleasant tone "I'm Happy For You!" but clearly in your mind you don't. You lose your mind. You wrote those words, in case he eventually see it and dang! He may be remember how you and him used to be together. Then you realize that you don't need to be pitied. You need to be loved
You play his voice on the CD which he gave to you years ago. All you heard is... You missed his voice badly. You miss the way he called your boo-boo nickname. The way he treated you so perfect.
You reached your lowest point and you crawling, crying, asking for some helps from stranger. But, no one hear.
Yes, you feel sad. But you have to keep running.

It's a New Day, People!

2012-01-02T15:39:00.004+07:00

Happy New Year 2012, People!

Yay, today is not the first day of January 2012-- it's the second, but it doesn't matter since everyone still in the happy feeling of the upcoming year ahead! It's 2012 already, people! Wish we all have a great year and the world won't ends in the next twelve months. :D

Gaah, I don't believe in The Mayans Prophecy of 2012. Seriously, but my dude, Rifqy Haddad, once when we're in traffic jam on our way to our New Year's eve party at All Season Hotel, told me if he would die in regret if the world really ends on 2012: he hasn't even got his professional title as lawyer.

"Please, not 2012, not this year. I haven't even graduate. I dont want my three years study of Law would become a waste! At least gue mau mati dengan gelar S.H,"

He was mumbling. I just laughed and said, "Me either, Rippy. I haven't even know what is like to be a wife of a petroleum engineer,"

Haha, skip that part. Anyway, how's your new year's eve celebration, pals?

Mine is.. Eww. Haha. You know, me, and my two handsome dudes, Rifqy and Syu, spent our NYE together. We went to the party at Skybar, a very beautiful bar which located at the All Season Hotel's rooftop, at the 7th floor. The place is so beautiful and you can be so amazed to see the view of Yogyakarta from the up there. Feels like you're in somewhere new and.. wow! You feel good!

The Sky Bar. Great place! (photos taken from All Seasons Hotel's Facebook)

Though the place is amazing, but i have to admit that the party is sucks. Rifqy, my party-goer friend, even declared this event as The Lamest Party ever! Yes we all did. The DJ is a girl and she's not sexy and she's not even can doing music! The rundown is a mess, I mean how could they placed Live Music instead of DJ in the last minute of countdown moment-where it should be the moment when people dancing like crazy and doing the countdown, instead sat there nicely and watch bunch of people singing an Adele's song?
Oh ya, if i'm forget, i couldn't even dance because the music was really sucks. None of people who attended this party moved their body at all. The fireworks is far from beauty and the drinks is not well enough. Yes, the party was.. Lame!

Okay, stop complaining, it happened. Hahaha. So it ended up with three of us eating Nasi Telor at Burjo near my boarding house at 2 AM. Ironic.We don't even brought our camera so.. There's no picture left. Dang. -.-

And yeah, that was my New Year's Eve story.
This year, i don't feel like i want to make any resolution. You know, in the past years, i might be made that list which almost all haven't done yet. I even forgot what exactly the lists are. I just hoping that my year will be better than 2011. As simply as that.

And.. oh yeah, dear World. Don't be end this year ya. We all have thousand things to do and i'm not pretty sure that it all can be done within only a year. Thank you for understanding :p

B

2011-12-26T16:37:00.000+07:00

Everyone has their own wildest side. The wild one that seldomly appears in particular moment.

My name is Chloe.
Believe me, it just appear on me several days ago. She, which i'll mentioned as B for the rest of the post, eventually showed up after her long sleep. I do not admit that i'm a multi-character person like in 24 Billy Faces book, or a girl with 16 alter egos in Sybill. I just...have B in my self.
B is pretty attractive. She knows she good at tempting people. She knows that she is the queen. She doesn't care what people said. No one will know that she is fragile, she won't let it happen. Bossy. Always on top. Arrogant but has the power. Expert in what they believe would happen if they let her drunk. B knows how to turn a man down, or just lift him up again. Yes, she is a beautiful mess.B loves white, which differentiate from me who loves black. The only things she wants is only get everyone's attentions. And she'll get it, she knows. So she bravely moves her body and dance like crazy. Naughty, and bold.
Once when B appeared, I had one conversation with her.

"B, you showed up," I said. "Why? You don't even like me."
She was combing her hair playful and laughed, "Why? You're the one who hates me. But i know, surely know that you want me."
"Ah. You're assuming,"
"No. You called me,"
"Liar. How come i want people see you in my body?"
"Simply because you want to look good. I'm good. 100 greater than you do, especially in this hard terms. You're desperately whispering me to come and be you for making people-at least- dont think that there's something wrong with you,"
"Hey, you're the one who made people thinks there must be something wrong with me! For god's sake, i do not drink. I DO NOT DANCE!"
"Ah, but you loved it. You just use me as excuse when you want it but you're too afraid to do it. Boo."
"Damn, I hate you!"

She laughed. Hard. And perfectly make me cry.

"Why you kissed him?" I wiped my tears and shouting her.
B made an "oops" expression on her face and naughtily smiling, "Oh. I just delivered a message."
"What message?"
"A message from your tiny whiny bity heart, honey. That you love him!"
She looks so mean. And i just can not hold my hand to not to slap her.
And yes, I slapped her. She fell down and hold her cheeks. She is groaning. Looked angry.
"Stupid! You are stupid!" I yelled.
"Don't flee, honey. You're the one who allows me to appear. Without your permission, I wont even made you a great story like this. Yay, I love drama!" She showed a wide grin.
"You don't know how i will through my days after this! You made me jump into a trouble!"
"Yay!"
"You Bitch!!!!!!"
"Yes, i am. My name is Bitch,"

*Short Story written on December 2011.

God Bless the Child

2011-12-22T14:37:00.003+07:00

Gadjah Mada Econolympics 2011

2011-12-21T08:32:00.000+07:00

Here are the snapshot of my latest committee project : Gadjah Mada Econolympics 2011, which is the last event where you can found me capturing photos or design the attributes. Time for retiring!

Bathroom's Howl

2011-12-17T21:26:00.000+07:00

It was raining.
All my clothes were wet- literally wet, when i parked my Beat at my dormitory's lobby. There were no dry parts from my head to toe. I took off my rain coat first, hung and laid it on my Beat, then i was walking and stepping upstairs bare-feet-ly while carrying my shoes.
It's so hard for me to breath. I wiped the splash rest on my face, took a deep breath and hold my tears. It made me looked like Rudolph with his red nose. You know, the reindeer from Santa Clause stories. It was so hard, and cold. Like two billions ice blocks were hanging on your lungs.
I looking for my room key on my shoes rack but all i can do was found nothing. It took almost 5 minutes and fortunately-found it.

Bathroom!, my thought yelled. I throw my bag and took off all the clothes quickly, then jump into my shower. I scream, scream and scream. I cried so hard till i couldn't feel anything.

No one would hear.
No one would tell you wisely "Everything is gonna be okay," when actually : "It wont be okay!".
No one would make you owe something to them, and someday collect it and you have to paid the bill.
No one would make you feeling guilty.
No one would eat your free space.
No one would blocking you.
No one would shadowing and haunting your days.

I just sat there, thinking of my lovely father.
His soft back massage when I got sick, his sweet voice when he woke me up.
His ways to amuse me with crunchy jokes- at least he tried.
He's the first person who will stand in line if there's something happen to me.
He was the one who stand in front of my house on the night, wait for me come home from school, because I was afraid of the dark.
The way he taught me to drive a car, but unfortunately, I crashed our car.
The way he do everything he could to keep me alive.
Which in his eyes, I always be his 5 year old daughter.

My mother.
I imagine how great it is to hug her.
Crying in her cuddle.
Saying it louds, "Mamaaaa...".
And become her little girl again.
She is a tough woman. She is willing to do anything to save my family.
She loves to buy snacks instead cooking it.

My sister, a reckless spoiled girl.
But she always make me funny voices to amuse me.
It works, I learned a lot from her.
She likes to dance, dancing anything.
When I sing my song, she will automatically dance due to my lyrics.
She would get mad at me if I forgot to Shalat.

I cried louder then. Louder.

Yes, maybe bathroom is the safest place for me to be.. my self.

KKN PPM UGM 2012 : Pagergunung

2011-12-06T06:40:00.000+07:00

Feel free to contact the number above if you're interest about joining our team. Thank you! :)

See You Next Time, America!

2011-12-05T07:42:00.002+07:00

You know where you have to stop. You just... Know.
Let's back to my normal life before this dream drowned me into the the infinity. So, here i am, open another tab of 9gag.com and LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!

At least Meme and Y U No guy are from that place. Place that would never done to be dreamed of. :D

Black Swan

2011-12-01T20:25:00.000+07:00

I was lying when I had told everyone that I didn't expect anything after my efforts, because in fact, yes I did. I really did.

they said I am ambitious in.. every way.

It is not because I believe in Horoscope or gypsy if I tell you that I love being a Capricornus and the way it walks a life. We are the Sea Goat, harsh and also the strongest. Widely known as hard worker with a huge ambition. Never give up, bit bossy and have skeptical point of view.

When I was child, I really don't want to lose in everything. On 17th August, in Indonesia's Independence Day Celebration, I participated in several games. But yeah, I was only a thin fragile diseased girl. My competitors are kids with the bigger body and they're older. So, I lost the game. Every game. I never win, for years.

I came home and cried to my Mom. I was really hate the painful feeling of lost. I just want to win, please, win, for once? Why couldn't I run faster than others? Why couldn't I reached the ball as high as they could do? Why couldn't I even eat a tiny Kerupuk in short time?

Then my mom did something very sweet for me. She asked the committee to call my name to come up to the stage in the awards night, then commend a gift-which she bought and wrapped by her own- to me. Yes, she wanted me to feel that.. I'm still a winner, by the way. Yeah, it was happening for several years, but as I grow older, I eventually found out that those gifts are from my mom, not because I could proudly say that "I'M THE WINNER!".

Ewwh, gross.
I still feel that was too bad. Losing a game is not that bad.

I met hundreds failure on my way to this day. It hurts me bad, sooo bad. Nothing hurts more than failing what you really want. What you've been prepared. What you've been fighting all this time. But, do you ever think that by ever losing something, you will know how great the winning feels like?

Yes, lately i've been around with these issues. I'm on my way to search the safest optimum place for my name in the future. For my personal goal, dreams and accomplishment. Efforts. Yes, I'm doing all best efforts i could do. Okay, even if I said that losing a game is okay, but, still.

I wont turn into Ana in Black Swan movie.

I wanna win this.

Not for my parents,

not for my friends.

At least it is for my self.

Failure? Not yet.

2011-11-20T19:57:00.001+07:00

"Dek, Allah menentukan yang terbaik buat umatnya. Kamu masih muda sekali, masih banyak kesempatan. Kamu anak pintar, sudah berusaha, sudah mencoba, tapi Allah yang maha kuasa yang menentukan," said Mr. Basuki Wibowo to his gloomy daughter.

I'm Happy To Hear That

2011-11-19T08:29:00.003+07:00

"He shares me the way the 5 stages of grief theory helped him to forget you. Wanna hear?"

She told me while driving her car, on the way to brought me home. I felt a bit curious.

The After Life. Img Source : (http://4.bp.blogspot.com)

"There are 5 stages you gonna through after you die," She was continuing her speech. " First is, Denial. It's a refusal to accept the death of yours. You don't want to admit that you are already die. Yes, he might could not dealing with the situation where you and him is no longer together. He just don't know what to do and keep denying."

Oh i am better not hear this, my thought said.

"And, the second is, Anger. It's when people feel so angry, it manifests in many ways. They keep asking why they have to die now, when actually the world is still too beautiful to leave for. Same in the case, he felt angry. Angry why this is happened to you two. Why on the earth you couldn't be together anymore. Why you are so mean to him,"

"It's continuing with the third stage ; Depression. In this stage, people are like almost accept the reality. You know, you just feel sad, uncertain, regret, fear and depressed. You just located on your lowest point, the fact that you already die. You are not breathing anymore. And he also did. He knew that you're just not belong to him. You two didn't succeed to make it. He is not going to end up together with you. And that's the fact. In this stage, he just feel like.. 'What else can i do?'"

Gasps. Ding and the dong. Big bang.

"Then the fourth stage is : Bargaining. It showed up with conclusion that the person who die may doing a bargain to his God. 'Can I still eat the Mc Donalds afterlife, God?' or 'Can I still being around to my family after my death?'. And yes, in this case, he bargain. 'Can you just be a good friend for me?' or 'Can I leave you like the way you left me?'"

"And finally, the last stage, Acceptance. In this stage, eventually the person has already succeed to deal with his death. Yes, he dead. He's no longer live in this world, not in a physical way. He accept the fact that he is now going to somewhere place, the place where the end is available to see," She saw me in the eyes and continued, "And he did. He accepted the fact that you were not for him. He let you go,"

I felt like i was punched in the heart. I could not even said words.

"He know that someday you will arrived at your Acceptance stage. You know, it wasn't that easy for him to be in the last stage. Not as simple as that. He has through the phases over the years, crawling, suffering til finally he could accept that. Every time he thought he want to give up, he worked harder. He choose to stand by his own, suffering alone, instead giving a space in his mind for you again. He said that it's all about the willingness to forget. Strong determination to live his life after the 'death'. And yes, finally he has succeed to let everything go now,"

"Yes... I'm.."

Try to find words.

"I'm... Happy to hear that,"

That morning, i took the shower soon after i got home.

Under the shower and the smell of Satsuma Body Shop body wash, i cried in my naked self.

*this story is based on the reality, mixed with some drama style. All characters are not refer to anyone. (you choose to believe :p)

I'm a Proud Baby

2011-11-08T14:32:00.000+07:00

In one glance, He drew me a new curve on the graphic line of my life.

Yes, God gave me an opportunity to try for lately. Er, no, He already gave me those opportunity since i was born, but maybe i was too busy complaining and dwelling on some spots. But, i am so glad that i even let my self try!

Two weeks before now, before i sitting here in my favorite-but-never-been-visited-place-since-i-move-to-the-new-residence, Dunkin Donuts, i was so busy write down my to do list. There was so much works to done, designs, assignments and so on. I was feeling like crazy and almost give up on the list. Yeah, maybe like i already shared in the last post that i have no particular fun life lately. And absolutely it is lack in most of points, even for romance stuff.

And it was me who also lack in financial thing because i was really have a hundred list to buy that time. I'm finding it so hard for me to control my expenditures. I was afraid i couldn't stand up until the end of the month.

And here it goes, God sent me the seed to plant additional my money tree. :p
Yes, i admit that the first reason which came up on my head when i knew this competition was held is to get money. Haha, maybe now you see me as a material girl, but i choose to call this as Call for Independent Financial Source. I mean, instead asking your father to transfer you additional fund, it's thousand ways better to achieve it by yourself, right?

Okay, this is it. One of competition which held by Management Event 2011, Creative Poster Management Event UGM. From its name, you can easily conclude that it's about a competition where you have to make a poster as creative as you can as the requirement to be the winner. I was feeling so nothing to lose when i decided to join it. It is a public competition, so you will face other great designers out there, without a limit of age or profession. Then, it's eventually came up with the second reason to join it, I wanted to measure my design skill. You know, for years i never compete my design with people. I design voluntarily for organization, or also by order. Never been competed. So, I wanted to give it a try. Moreover, the judges are the real design expert, people who comes from Advertising field or Visual Communication Design. I wanted to know how would they see my design, from the expertise point of view.

So, I made it. I believe that my design which based on photos results better than my design which based on graphic. So i decided to use photo as my primary object of the poster, because in my opinion, poster is not all about how great the design is, but it's about how great the poster could attract people. I called my great and amazingly handsome friend, Rifqy Haddad, to ask him a favor to be my model for this poster. He is one of my friend who have a special talent to act on the camera, he is totally amazing great! He also work on Lookbook, check on his awesome style by clicking this link.

Here is some of photos from our fun photoshoot.

The gorgeous Rifqy.

The property. A plate of fruit and a plate of.. Fashion items. :D

Eating apple. Rawr.

Cute!

And by the criteria from ME committee, i composed some alternative posters, til i have to take it so long to decide what poster which i should submit in the submission day.

1st design.

2nd design.

3rd design.

4th design.

After doing some market test, i finally decided to submit the 4th design. Huhu, it was such a difficult decision because i love all of them! Those design is like my babies and i do love every detail of those.

The 4th design is titled "Special Today". And the description that i wrote in the back of the poster is :

       "Poster ini menggambarkan tentang seorang waiter restaurant yang menyajikan sepiring fruit-fondue di tangan kanan dan sepiring accessories di tangan kirinya. Figur ini merepresentasikan tentang apa sajakah yang ditawarkan dalam acara Business Expo Creativepreneur : Fashion and Cullinary, yaitu produk konsumsi makanan dan juga fashion item. Dalam poster ini acara Business Expo Creativepreneur diibaratkan sebagai suatu restoran yang sophisticated dan high class.
             Karena tidak ditentukan oleh panitia tentang society class atau market segment dari acara ini, maka saya mempersempit target pasar dengan mengasumsikan bahwa acara Business Expo Creativepreneur ini adalah acara dengan sasaran pengunjung dari masyarakat kalangan menengah keatas. Produk yang ditawarkan oleh para creativepreneur nasional maupun lokal pun juga merupakan kuliner dan fashion kelas atas.
              Terdapat suatu kalimat yang menggelitik dalam poster ini, yaitu “More than 200 creativepreneurs all over nation join the table. What about you?”. Kalimat ini merupakan suatu pernyataan kiasan (table diumpamakan sebagai stand-stand yang terdapat di Business Expo Creativepreneur), yang bersifat challenging atau menantang bagi siapa saja yang melihatnya, sekaligus menjadi suatu ajakan persuasif untuk masyarakat agar datang dan berpartisipasi dalam acara Business Expo Creativepreneur ini."

And..

Guess what? We made it!! Alhamdulilah :)

I'm on the 3rd place. It's totally fly my mood today. I'm happy. Happy!

Thank you to Rifqy Haddad who had being an awesome model, Rusyda Afina who supports me so well, Arum Ratri Hapsari who kindly lend me her precious camera and help me to find the concept, Pita Pratita who allowed me to use her Knock cafe as a location of the photoshoot, and Rizka Adinda, Todi Adhiyatmo and Rasda Diana who had being very good assessor for my posters. I love you all. :*

Thank God. Thank God. :')

Apple Story

2011-10-26T20:29:00.000+07:00

picture taken among photoshoot at Knock Cafe.

Manage Me, I'm Begging.

2011-10-24T00:53:00.002+07:00

I'm a bit reckless these days.

It's been almost a month since the last time i brought my dirty clothes to laundry. It's been two weeks since the last time i practice Tae-Bo, and swimming. It's been almost... countless days since the last time i sleep early and eat well.

The messy me. Need help. :s

Yes, it is me, an university student who live hundreds kilometres away from her parents. It's the matter of choice, actually, while you absolutely can take your education at your home-town small college. But that's surely not kind of option that i will choose to take reach my New York Dream.

So here i am, on my third year in Yogyakarta, trying to settle with my daily life, still. Trying to go with freelance jobs to create additional money, and the consequence is : I have to let go a half of my sleep hours. A-ha. And i officially say that it's getting.. Sucks.

You know, i'm not talking about the salary that i could retrieve from Design web or any other graphic designs. It's possibly the most cool job i could do for now, when my age is only 18 : doing what you're good at and making an interesting amount of money. I'm happy doing all that. Seriously. I'm happy when i have to crawling over the night in front of my notebook, fight over the deadly deadline. I'm happy when i hear my customer said, "Wow, cool! I love it, great job!". I'm happy when i handed my freelance fee. I'm so happy being a designer.

But.. Taking a job is not about how cool it is, how much salary you could get, or anything. Taking a job is about responsibility to people who have had their faith in you. They believe you could get what they want, exactly like what they expected. You have to pursue their satisfaction. It's the rules.

And i think i'm not that ready to taking those responsibilities. I recognize that i'm kinda forgetting my college life, i placed it in less-priority after my job. It affects my sleeping time, my have fun time, my worry hormones and anything. It affects my life. I still couldnt balancing all of my duties and it's sucks. You know, seeing your self almost dead on deadly deadline, chased by them and feel like wanna drown on to the sea.

Any suggestion, people? Anybody knows how to manage your life? I think i need a life manager. I'll hire it, if any.

Imagi

2011-10-21T22:39:00.000+07:00

Kemarin malam sebelum saya tidur, saya merapikan kamar saya. Membersihkan lantai, menghapus debu dan menata benda-benda. Memastikan bahwa setiap barang telah ada di tempatnya masing masing. Saya menjelajah lemari, mencari celah dimana tepatnya saya bisa meletakkan tiap kepingan yang setia membantu saya dalam menjalani hari.

Lemari ini berukuran sedang dengan tinggi sekitar 1 meter, berwarna abu abu dengan detail minimalis. Biasa berfungsi sebagai anything-storage, mulai dari literatur kuliah, buku bacaan, bahan makanan kering, obat-obatan, peralatan masak, dan juga dokumen penting. Maklum, sebagai anak kosan dengan ukuran kamar yang terbatas, adanya keberadaan lemari yang multifungsi adalah suatu keharusan.

And then, all is done well.

Semua menjadi rapih dan tertata. Tatapan saya kemudian tertuju pada deretan buku buku yang hinggap di atas lemari itu. Yeah, masih Justin Bieber, Clara Ng, Meg Cabot, Samantha Dunn ataupun Sitta Karina. Masih Kamus Inggris- Indonesia, buku tahunan SMA Negeri 1 Serang tahun 2009, beberapa majalah Gogirl! edisi lama dan the holy Quran. Semua tertata apik, ditemani oleh dua buah ukulele 4 senar--yang satu tidak berfungsi lagi karena patah, dan berujung sebagai pajangan-- yang bertengger disana.

Atensi saya kemudian melambung seiring mata ini menangkap cahaya yang dipantulkan oleh suatu benda mati. Sesuatu yang mungkin bagi banyak orang tidak menarik untuk dibuka karena membosankan. Atau sebagian lagi cukup takut untuk membukanya karena... Inilah mesin waktu yang siap menerobos memori anda.

Didominasi dengan warna soft khas wanita seperti pink, kuning, biru dan hijau. Saya memilikinya sejak sekitar 9 tahun yang lalu, hadiah dari pembelian satu set Shampoo bermerk dengan harga promosi. Desainnya yang sangat manis dengan karikatur figur seorang gadis remaja membuat saya menabung demi membeli paket promo tersebut. Saya tidak memiliki ketertarikan khusus terhadap merk shampoo tertentu, saya hanya ingin album foto tersebut.

"It's been a long time since the last time you open it." Suara ini berkata dengan sok tahu di kepala saya. "I bet you already miss it a lot,"

Saya hanya tertawa. Kemudian saya berkata skeptis dan meraih album tersebut, "Yes, a bit. What is so wrong about open it once more for now?"

" Are you sure? Is it only me that i thought you are not capable enough to swimming back over the past, now?"

"Surely sure. And yes, it's only you. At least i thought so, i'm more than capable. You see,"

Separuh yakin saya membuka halaman depan dari album tersebut. Saya memejamkan mata sejenak dan kemudian bersandar di dinding, duduk dalam posisi rileks. Start it. Saya tersenyum dengan apa yang saya temui di halaman pertama- sebuah awal yang indah. Nuansa semburat kebahagiaan terpancar dalam ekspresi dua wajah yang lugu, terbungkus indahnya merah marun yang mereka kenakan dan mata yang berbicara. They ever be that happy. Mereka serasi. Di pojok kanan bawah terdapat tulisan acak-acakan yang ditulis dengan ballpoint hitam.

I never know what the future brings, but i know you're here with me now. We'll make it trough, and I hope you are the one I share my life with. And I wish that you could be the one I die with. - If You're Not The One, Daniel Bedingfield

Sesak.

Sepertinya Air Conditioner kamar saya sudah harus di service. Panas sekali. Saya kesulitan menawar perasaan ini agar tetap stable. Rindu yang menyesakkan memang. Lamunan yang terlena bebas meniti imagi masa lalu, dan menghentikan tangan ini untuk melangkah ke lembar berikutnya. Satu tarikan nafas panjang dan saya menutup kembali album tersebut.

Hanya rasa sesal yang tersisa ketika kamu sama sekali tidak bisa membeli waktu yang telah hilang. Past is always stay on the past, itu harga mati. Masalah sekarang kamu menjerit ingin pulang bukanlah jawaban. Pulang ke masa lalu? Tentu saja, mimpimu hanyalah omong kosong. Ini 2011, Mochi, bukan lagi 2007, 2008 atau 2009.

Yes. It's been two years passed already. Dan ternyata saya masih belum siap untuk melupakan.

Me Oriented

2011-10-19T06:37:00.004+07:00

I've been looking for answer why am i walking around alone all this time.

First, people eat together, walk everywhere together. Couldn't go to shopping mall if there is no one accompanied them. Couldn't get some dishes if they just walk away. And finally they always look like spora collony which always stick together, everywhere they go.

Yeah, instead of making me look like a biological microscope's object, i prefer to.. stand up by my own feet.

what is so wrong about enjoying your meal alone?

Yeah, i realized that i tend to be more skeptical to other people, as long as it doesn't affect me anything. Sounds egoist maybe, but i don't know, as long as i can do it by my self, i'll just do it. I hate depends my self to somebody else, who is i know they won't be there forever. So why oh why we should be there, lean on somebody's wrest to deep? They will go someday, huh?

From that sight, i prefer to be my self, enjoy my lunch by my own and still grateful if there are people sit next to me--and accompany me. Going to bookstore, buying clothes, selecting groceries and planting my job alone. I'm curious why when i accidentally met the friend of mine with her couple, and they got so confused when saw me gonna watch a movie alone. They greet me a very sympathetic sentence, "Oh my god, you're alone? where is yours?"

What? Yours? What yours? What's mine?

Terrible. I'm not that pathetic, please noted.

But i know there is something so bad about being this skeptical, and i clearly realize it. Yeah, it's become a new phrase: Me Oriented. I often look everything only from my own sight, forgetting the fact that everyone has their own thoughts. The extended word is, selfish. The other extended word is, individualistic.

Ewh, screwed me. It brings a lot of lack in my social life.

Example, my friend Rusyda, one who get upset when i often forget or less-noticed about the stories she'd told. Oh my god it's truly not because i didn't care about her, but it's only because... err. I also don't know. The stories which been shared to me is storaged somewhere over my brain and it get lost. Why oh why?

I'm such a bad friend, am i? :(

The 21st Year of Rusyda Afina

2011-10-09T20:27:00.002+07:00

Evening, Pals! At the earlier days of October, the 1st, is the day when Rusyda Afina was born 21 years ago. It's been a week actually, but i just find it's gonna be cute if i share the photos of her birthday surprise party here.

The first idea came when me and Jupe were on BBM, chat and talk about Ruchi (--from Rusyda)'s birthday. And taraa.. It's just like 3 days left to her birthday, and we're just didn't know what to do! So, we made the plan, in a consolidation with Rasda. Here is the party! ;)

Me and Jupe posed, waiting for the 00.00 o'clock at Knock Cafe!

idle time, idle guys. midnight come slower than ever. :|

we made this party accessories such as balloons and the greeting poster by our own! this cute decoration were on the rooftop of Knock Cafe.

FINALLY! the victim has arrived at the TKP! Ruchi is being kidnapped from her own house to Knock Cafe by Rasda and Friends :D

:D!

Okay, we were a bit.. Barbar. :p

The hardest part! it's called torture, because liftin up Ruchi at the upstair and the head on downside?

open the slayer! :p

she got the candle to blow up! :D

Ruchi Rachaaaa :D

Vanda, Titis, Ruchi, Rasda

Movie screening! My big unyuest present for my Ruchi :*

(left to right : Febri, Ruchi, me,Vina, Pita, Jupew)

special moment brought by Arief Syahbudi.

Creepy Thoughts

2011-10-08T09:31:00.003+07:00

Have you ever mind about something.. too deep until you start to speculate everything, and ended up with "What If" statements?

i tend to bite my nail if i worry about things.

Oh yeah, that's what exactly happen to me lately. I'm too much "what if"-ing something. And it affects me, my face, my appearance and my behavior daily. Yes, my worry line is as much as the root pattern on my palm. For example, one thing i worry a lot these days is... What happened to my body?

It's been three months since the last time "it" came to me. I'm dying in keep asking why oh why this happen to me, and now it's become a big fear of my mind. Yeah, normally, a grown up girl who had passed her puberty phase is got her period in every 28 days. And it keep me freezing when my guest is no longer come to me for months.

Even Primolut doesn't work.

You know, Primolut is one of the medicine pills contains Progrestherone hormone which is commonly used by woman as a "trigger" to avoid a delayed period. I went to GMC last week and get those pills from the doctor. You have to know, the price of those pills is not so cheap, Rp 4000/pill. And you have to take those pills twice or three times a day, everyday for 5 days. And thank god, i'm a student of Gadjah Mada University, so GMC gave it all to me without any charges.

And yeah, this is the fifth day already, but i haven't get my period yet. Okay. It's creepy enough! What if there's something called cancer or else under there? What if someday i couldn't have babies? What if the extended treatment of this all is like what you watched on serial drama? What if my time is no longer enough to see Barcelona? Or... What if God plant a holy-free-of-sperm-baby on my ovarium, like God did to the prophet Isa's mother?

Okay that's too much. Haha.
But, i absolutely distracted because of this thing. I don't know. I'm scared. I've been trying to live healthier, i'm trying to get an enough sleep, leave coffee, and bite those veggie. But why oh why? Pals, please pray for me. i just want to be normal :(

Good People Dies Earlier

2011-10-06T08:24:00.000+07:00

Last time i went to Mall, i visited your Apple Store, touch those apples and still felt amaze with your giga screen iMac. Then i said to my dear Rusdya, "I'll buy this one someday."
"Yes you should," she replied. " And buy me every single pieces of Apples here,"

Haha. you've done a very great job, Steve! Your name has succesfully written in most of my Management literature, and yeah today you flooding every social networks site. The world thank to you, for your brilliant creation.

Have a peace rest, Steven. You're truly retire from your job :')

Will I Ever Be in Love Again?

2011-10-04T20:33:00.000+07:00

The title of this post is just too much. Of course the answer is, I will. I absolutely will.
Because the easiest example is just happened on the last two weeks. I think im in crush with someone i knew-and i thought he'll never be more than friend before. But right before i realized it, i'm just officially lost contact with him. I also dont know why. Maybe we're just not belong together, or for another undefined reason. But honestly, i kinda missing his morning call and all of our conversation now. :'(
Hu-hu.
But it's okay, i never really take every relationship things that hard after my last-relationship-tragedy. So, like what my friend, Todi Adhiyatmo said that "Cowok menang milih, cewek menang nolak,", means just take it slow. It's the nature of relationship. Some may go, indeed comes after.

Focusing on my college life, loving my friends, creating money or achieve my personal goal are the things that help me through those days without any guy who will taking care of your empty tummy. I always re-plant those all in my head, right before i sleep to avoid my hands tweeting like "jablay" who needs a touch. Haha.
Actually there is nothing wrong about being single. I'm not targeting anything, i'm not that pathetic who will die or least become a zombie if living without romance.

Whatever. This is just my random post about my new point of view of a relationship. And it's actually distracted my Taxation homework. HAHA, TTYL, guys!

Strangers, Again

2011-09-14T21:34:00.003+07:00

Menggagas Kepemimpinan Yang Berkarakter

2011-09-14T08:40:00.001+07:00

Sejak kecil saya memiliki seorang sosok pemimpin favorit. Beliau menginspirasi seluruh hidup saya dan dialah orang yang membuat saya berkata “I have to be as success and as good as him, someday,”. Ayah saya, sosok pemimpin pertama yang muncul di dalam hidup saya. Beliau pernah mengatakan bahwa pemimpin yang baik bukanlah pemimpin yang tahu kapan ia harus maju perang untuk harga dirinya, melainkan pemimpin yang tahu kapan ia harus berangkat mati untuk orang yang ia pimpin. Kuat. Itulah kesan pertama yang muncul di benak saya tiga belas tahun yang lalu tentang sosok seorang pemimpin.

Di taman kanak-kanak, saya kemudian mengenal sosok pemimpin yang spektakuler bernama Presiden- yang senyumnya selalu menghiasi sudut depan kelas. Di sekolah manapun yang saya datangi. Di kantor pemerintahan manapun yang saya singgahi. What a wow. Who are you? How could you, hello, like 200 millions people in Indonesia set your picture in front of their class? Kharisma. Itulah kesan saya selanjutnya tentang seorang pemimpin. Bagaimana bisa anda membuat jutaan orang dalam satu negara yang berisi seribu pulau mengakui anda sebagai pemimpin mereka tanpa secercah aura bernama kharisma?

Cerita saya tadi mungkin telah sedikit menggambarkan sosok pemimpin ideal dalam benak saya. Kuat, kharismatik, mampu menjadi teladan bagi pengikutnya. Mampu menggerakkan massa tanpa kehilangan moral dan hati nuraninya. Mampu melihat jauh ke depan, memiliki visi dan misi serta tujuan yang jelas dan mata yang melihat secara universal, bukan parsial. Tangan tangan kuat yang terampil memahat bangsa melalui kerja nyata. Pemimpin yang berkarakter.

Namun entah sejak kapan Indonesia mulai kehilangan karakter kepemimpinan tersebut. Lihat sekarang, apakah anda sering mendengar orang-orang mencaci-maki dan mengasihani presidennya sendiri? Be noted, not only on the Twitter, but also in mass media. Even on TV, broadcasted nationally! Mengasihaninya karena kantong mata yang membekam, pertanda telah hilangnya waktu tidur karena terlalu banyak prihatin dengan kondisi Negara. Mencacinya karena ia dianggap tak sekompeten pendahulunya. Menyalahkannya atas tanggalnya kepala seorang TKI di luar sana. Namun saya tidak akan mengadilinya karena saya tahu, it’s hard to be citizen in this riot country, but sure, to be its President is thousand times harder.

Try to be realistic, menjadi pemimpin yang handal bukanlah suatu hal yang mudah. Banyak kontradiksi yang melawan. Banyak hambatan yang menghadang. Namun ada cara untuk menjadi pemimpin handal, yakni dengan memupuknya sejak dini. Usia muda, disaat kita sedang berkembang, dan mencari karakter kita masing-masing.

Simulasi dan Inisiasi Mahasiswa Fakultas Ekonomika dan Bisnis (SIMFONI) merupakan salah satu ‘pupuk’ dari terciptanya pemimpin handal, dengan menanamkan nilai-nilai luhur seperti ketuhanan, sosial dan nilai lainnya ke dalam diri mahasiswa baru. Mereka belajar bagaimana mengembangkan diri mereka dalam berorganisasi, berkerja dalam team dan bagaimana cara mereka konsisten dalam hal tersebut. Pelajaran tersebut akan mereka dapatkan dari sesi talkshow dan sharing yang bertema kepemimpinan, tugas-tugas SIMFONI yang menuntut mereka berkerja bersama dan usikan usikan nurani yang menggugah mereka untuk menjadi pemimpin yang lebih baik bagi Indonesia.

Indonesia membutuhkan banyak sekali pemimpin-pemimpin baru untuk menjaga kelangsungan regenerasi kepemimpinan yang kuat dan berkarakter di Negara ini dan mahasiswa memiliki peran penting dalam hal tersebut.

SIMFONI 2011, untuk pemimpin, dan Indonesia yang lebih baik.

*esay ini saya tulis sebagai salah satu requirement untuk seleksi Sie. Acara SIMFONI 2011.

SIMFONI 2011

2011-09-14T08:13:00.000+07:00

"Haha, at least aku sekarang bisa bilang kalo aku bukan cuma tukang sablon lagi,"

Candaan itu saya lontarkan kepada sahabat saya, Rusyda Afina, sehari setelah SIMFONI 2011 berakhir. Nama saya Arancha Shinta, dan selama lebih dari dua tahun saya berorganisasi baik dalam lingkup kampus ataupun organisasi profit/non-profit lainnya, saya tidak pernah lepas dari desain. Web & graphic design, dokumentasi fotografi, hingga movie-making bisa dibilang adalah passion yang saya geluti sejak usia muda. Saya bersyukur terlahir dengan talenta yang diberikan Allah swt dan diberikan kesempatan oleh-Nya untuk mengeksplor lebih dalam tentang dunia desain. I love design, for sure, terlepas bagaimana desain benar benar membunuh saya ketika ide tak kunjung datang. Saya menemukan jiwa saya disana. Kalau beruntung saya bisa mendapat rupiah lebih darinya, dengan sedikit modal nekat. Jika tidak, apresiasi orang banyak atas karya saya sudah lebih dari cukup.

Namun, sejenak saya merasa sangat bosan dan jenuh dalam dunia desain-mendesain ini. Saya sampai pada titik dimana saya merasa, i have no other ability except design. Semacam ingin pembuktian bahwa saya butuh sesuatu yang lain, sesuatu yang tak pernah saya lakukan sebelumnya. Sampai akhirnya saya memutuskan untuk memberanikan diri mendaftar seksi Acara SIMFONI 2011. (bahasan tentang ini telah diulas di beberapa post sebelumnya)

Modal nekat, minim pengalaman dan kepercayaan diri yang tinggi. Pada awalnya, saya tidak menyangka bahwa seksi Acara SIMFONI 2011 merupakan milestone saya. Aktualisasi diri nomor satu saya tercapai. Ego saya tersenyum senang ketika melihat dunia tahu saya bukan cuma seorang pekerja dibalik layar yang bermain dalam kanvas kosong Photoshop. Dalam beberapa titik, saya juga berhasil mengalahkan kalimat "Gue nggak bisa,", atau "Gue nggak berani," and it feels great. It feels totally wow.

Namun ternyata dibalik semua itu, ada hal yang jauh lebih penting disini.
Saya banyak sekali belajar, tentang apapun.
Belajar tentang keluarga, persahabatan, hingga perselisihan,
bagaimana komunikasi merupakan hal terpenting dalam hubungan manusia,
tentang kekuatan doa,
tentang bagaimana keyakinan diri dan usaha yang maksimal bisa membuahkan hasil yang setimpal,
tentang bagaimana kebersamaan mampu membuat kita berkata "Kita bisa!",
tentang selalu ada yang harus dikorbankan dalam suatu usaha,
tentang "practice make perfect" yang tak terbantahkan kebenarannya,
tentang perjuangan kecil untuk negeri Indonesia.

Saya bertemu banyak orang hebat di dalam sini. Orang dengan berbagai karakter, keahlian, sifat dan watak yang berbeda-beda. Orang-orang yang kini telah menjadi keluarga di hati saya. Saya ingin mengucapkan terimakasih sebesar besarnya untuk orang-orang tersebut, yang telah memberikan salah satu pengalaman yang sangat hebat di dalam hidup saya.

Si kakak Chandra yang kaku tapi dibalik itu adalah seorang leader yang penyayang,
Si mendes Dita yang mandiri, ngartis, ceria dan santai namun tetap bertanggung jawab,
Si lovely Dito yang selain merupakan both a very good listener and advisor, namun juga teman yang sangat cerdas untuk berdiskusi,
Si caring Irwan yang lovable, sosok yang penuh energi dan kepercayaan diri serta kreativitas yang tinggi.
Si cutie Mitha yang cerdas, baik hati, ceria, cekatan dan merupakan konseptor yang handal,
Si charming Ardhi yang ramah, hangat penuh inisiatif, pintar dan sangat teliti,
Si teteh Kikin yang cerdas dan sangat menyenangkan,
Si kakak Dika yang sangat lembut dan baik hati,
Si cool Andre yang cuek, namun dibalik penampilannya yang urakan terlihat sosok pemimpin yang bertanggung jawab,
Si cheerful Amay yang santai, free-worry dan fun yang mampu menyenangkan orang-orang di sekitarnya,
Si ganteng Putra yang cool dan sangat teliti,
Si boyband Idham yang suaranya lucu dan poninya menggetarkan hati, yang sangat bertanggung jawab dan penuh inisiatif,

Pertemuan pertama kita di dalam Games Interview untuk seleksi Sie. Acara SIMFONI 2011 tidak pernah terlupa dalam ingatan. Buka puasa bersama kita yang rutin, rapat setiap hari yang indah, dance dan nyanyian yang sangat fun, gelak tawa yang membahana, hati yang luka dan tangis yang menyertai, seluruh perjuangan kita dalam memberikan yang terbaik untuk mahasiswa baru dan Indonesia... Terimakasih. Terimakasih untuk 2 bulan yang berharga.Terimakasih untuk pentas 3-hari kita yang indah. Terimakasih untuk setiap pembelajaran yang sangat berharga bagi saya.

Acara Simfoni 2011,Untuk Indonesia!

Apa Kabar, Rumahku?

2011-09-02T18:37:00.001+07:00

Sore ini harusnya menjadi sore yang biasa untukku. Tapi tidak setelah aku membuka lagi halaman halaman masa lalu yang terpampang dalam suatu alamat berisi huruf huruf yang terangkai dalam kata indah seorang sahabat lama.

Remember about these balloons?

"Apa kabar?"
Sesungguhnya kata tersebut lah yang singgah dalam pikiranku sore ini. Apa kabar Dia, teman lamaku. Dia yang pernah menjadi teman setiaku, menapaki masa muda yang penuh tanda tanya. Kami pernah mencari, saling mengisi dan melengkapi. Kami pernah saling bersandar, menangis, bersama. Tak hanya raga namun juga jiwa yang berbeda, namun tetap mencoba menjadi satu. Dunia menjadi saksi, bahwa kami bukanlah sekedar individu-individu berumur 15 tahun yang hanya sok tahu bicara tentang cinta.

Dengannya, aku pernah merasa sangat hebat. Dengannya, aku pernah merasa sangat sempurna. Bersama, kami tak terkalahkan, dunia pun tahu diri untuk tidak menyanggahnya. Dia lah, pria dengan senyum lebar yang jenaka. Dia lah, pria dengan suara yang penuh kharisma. Dia lah, salah satu individu cerdas luar biasa yang pernah Tuhan ciptakan. Dia lah, satu satunya orang di dunia yang pernah membuat kaki ini bertelanjang kaki, bergerak, menari dan memanja di pesisir barat pulau Jawa. Dia lah, pria dengan ketulusan yang hingga detik ini tidak mampu aku temukan di sisi lain manapun di dunia.

Tak akan pernah habis kagumku kepadanya. Hingga saat ini, masih terperi jelas dalam hati ini bahwa dia memang pria hebat yang tidak pernah lelah menapaki dunia. Selalu total dalam setiap hal yang ia tekuni, penuh dengan optimisme dan rasa lapar akan tantangan. Tanpa omong kosong dan janji palsu yang diobral. Bukan sekedar barang di garage sale yang kadang terlihat apik namun terkoyak di berbagai sudut. Dunia perlu bangga pernah memiliki seorang penduduk sepertinya. Aku yakin. Karena dia terlalu indah untuk membuat hanya aku yang bangga.

Kami memang pernah merangkai cerita hangat di kota kecil berpenduduk 374.464 jiwa, dimana hanya terbentang satu jalan lurus penuh polusi dan kemacetan, dengan warna warni angkutan kota yang semarak. Tak ada yang menarik selain beberapa pusat perbelanjaan dan bioskop tua dengan film yang basi. Disanalah kami mengeksplor dunia kecil kami, dalam waktu yang terbatas oleh buku buku pelajaran. Namun tak ada masalah, karena kami yakin suatu saat kami akan menjelajahi jendela yang lebih besar, dengan batasan hingga kami bau tanah. Ya, kami sempat bicara masa depan. Mimpi-mimpi fantastik yang kadang muluk-muluk dan tidak real. Namun aku memberanikan diri membuka mimpiku, karena aku percaya mimpi tersebut bukan sekedar omong kosong saat aku membiarkan ia menyusupi mimpiku dengan mimpinya. Suatu saat akan datang dan tak hanya rumah putih, pesawat jet ataupun tangki minyak yang akan terwujud, namun kebanggaan bahwa kami pernah bermimpi.

Jalan kami tak semulus itu. Aku yang tak tahu malu, memudarkan mimpi yang telah ada. Aku tak tahu diri, aku merangkak mencari sesuatu yang bahkan tak akan pernah lebih baik dari dirinya. Membodohi diri dengan godaan godaan, menyerah kepada jarak 436 km yang memisahkan, dan akhirnya berakhir dengan penyesalan yang menyesakkan. Ya, sejak awal dia mungkin telah tahu bahwa suatu saat nanti aku akan menyesal.

Kemudian aku berpetualang, mencari dan terus melangkah. Bukan langkah pasti yang indah, bukan pula langkah ragu yang bergetar. Bertemu dengan beberapa wajah tampan kota besar, memeluk mereka dan mengharapkan suatu kasur empuk dimana aku bisa tinggal dan beristirahat di dalam diri mereka. Mengharapkan akan suatu rumah tinggal yang bisa membuat raga dan jiwa ini nyaman. Namun harapan telah berganti menjadi suatu pengertian bahwa tak ada rumah yang tersedia. Tak ada kasur empuk yang nyaman. Pengertian bahwa untuk membeli suatu rumah, kita tak perlu memaksakan.

I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet,
sat by the river and it made me complete

Sampai aku pada sore ini. Tiba tiba jemari merefleksikan keingintahuan hati, membuka jendela yang selama ini tertutup, tak tersentuh. Aku yang selama ini tidak ingin tahu. Aku yang selama ini terlalu sibuk berpetualang, namun merasa miris karena sekarang telah lupa terhadap rumahku sendiri. Bagaimana strukturnya, warna pintunya, berapa jendela yang tersedia, besarkah ia, atau adakah bunga yang kini tumbuh di perkarangan rumahnya?

Sore ini, aku hanya menatap rumahku dari jauh. Tak memiliki keberanian untuk mendekat, apalagi kunci untuk membuka pintunya. Kunciku telah hilang sesaat setelah aku berteriak kabur dari rumah setahun yang lalu. Miris. Dia tak bisa menerimaku lagi.

Mataku menangkap rumah yang sehat di ujung sana. Rumah yang kini semakin besar, semakin indah dan semakin kuat. Cat dindingnya telah dipoles ulang, pagarnya dibuat lebih kokoh dan halamannya kini dipenuhi oleh bunga-bunga baru. Ia terlihat sangat kuat.

I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?

Sayangnya aku hanya bisa menatap layar dengan nanar. Pintunya tertutup erat. Dan mungkin tak akan pernah terbuka lagi. Dia begitu indah dan besar, aku tak cukup hebat dan kaya untuk membelinya. Membaca ulang setiap lembar yang dulu pernah membuatku menangis bahagia. Membaca ulang setiap kutipan hebat tentang masa remaja. Tentang hidup yang indah namun tetap rasional.

Oh simple thing where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

Ada sepucuk rasa sesak di dada. Mata yang basah. Sebagian hati ingin masuk... Namun sebagiannya lagi cukup tahu diri. Cukup mengerti dan tidak ingin bertindak menyedihkan.
Namun yang pasti, aku hanya bahagia melihat dia. Yang pernah menjadi langitku, mi cielo. Mi querida. Dan tentu saja rumah putih yang turut menanamkan setengah bagian diriku sekarang. Dia tetap hidup, hidup dengan caranya yang indah. Seperti yang ia selalu lakukan.

And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?
- Somewhere Only We Know, Keane.

Eid Mubarak : Forget, Forgive!

2011-08-31T22:22:00.000+07:00


Basuki Wibowo's Family greet you a warm "Happy Idul Fitri!" :)

Hello people.
Today is the day when moslems all over the world celebrate the big day, Eid Mubarak! Yeah, the 1st of Syawal, after the Holy Ramadhan finally passed. Alhamdulilah, that is the most remarkable Ramadhan in my life. Lesson, lesion, temptation, marvel and great phase were filling me during what they called a "purify-process" month.

We're supposed to be "purified" after all those temptation and examination. Past, fault and failure, are things that gonna make us brighter if we could build a positive outlook among those all. So, be positive. There's no use in keep negative.

People, i practically initiate to habituate "How to Forget and Forgive". All mistakes already forgiven by me. All the tears and anger had already evaporated. And we start it again, in the new beginning. So, the rough days had passed, and there might be million oversight or fault. I basically wanna apologize for everything. My rude words, my inappropriate acts, my unfriendly face, my stubborn tweets and humiliating posts, my vicious trick or everything that might be unacceptable by you. :)

“Maka mengapa mereka tidak bertaubat kepada Allah dan memohon ampun kepada-Nya? Padahal Allah Maha Pengampun lagi Maha Penyayang.”
(QS Al-Maidah [5] ayat 74)

See? Allah is All-Forgiving. So why we, the only human, have to keep the anger too long?
I already forgive you. For every past which was so hard. Even before you suddenly text me in the middle of the night to say an apology. Somehow, i got a thought that i have to thank you for all those pain! You drove me to a better me, I mean, literally, after everything you did to me! You give me a very good lesson about how we shouldn't believe to someone imperfect, perfectly. About how life's going, down by the valley but in time will rising to sun. About you couldn't hang to someone to make your life happy. About how to say goodbye whether it's just as hard as saying "I'm Happy". About fact that only God who will never leave you even when everyone is leaving. About reconsidering anything before take a decision. About how the faith couldn't guarantee everything. And about how to build the "Ikhlas" among those all. :)

Live a good life ya. I'm kidding when i told you that "Assume that we never knew each other before!". How could i do that? You had been my proud boyfriend for about 8 months! Yeah, forgetting the fact what's the month you were started to cheating :p

But i'm totally serious when i told you, "I hope i'm your last victim!". Haha.

Lovely Path

2011-08-25T21:23:00.002+07:00

One day, one of my friend said this shocking true sentence to me,
"Cha, kok gue merasa ada untungnya ya lo mengalami beberapa kejadian akhir-akhir ini. Lo jadi jauh lebih religius dan deket sama Allah. Cobaan-cobaan itu emang dibuat untuk 'menghapus dosa'! HAHA"

I literally laugh!
Yes, she couldn't be more true. I'm proudly say that I love my God now, at the most, more and more than i ever have done in 18 years i live.

Once i lay my head up to the sky and wondering what is God doing right now?

My best buddy also asked me in sudden, "Cha, apa yang bikin kamu bisa tiba tiba 'sober' dan deket sama Allah? I mean, kamu bilang sebelumnya solat bolong-bolong. Apa yang bikin kamu bisa percaya Allah bisa nolong kamu? I mean sebelum semua kejadian ini dateng,"

I'm a bit curious on my self that time after she asked me that way.
"Kenapa ya. Nggak tau juga. Kok aku ngerasa jadi lebih baik aja dengan aku kayak gini. Aku jadi lebih tenang,"

"No no. Yang kutanyain adalah waktu saat saat kamu bisa kayak gitu, bukan setelahnya."

"Hmm... Sebenernya disentil dulu sih. Aku--believe it or not--kayak dapet hidayah gitu. Seriously. Akhir-akhir ini aku dapet rentetan kejadian coincidence yang ridiculous banget. Kayak bisaaaaaa aja. Hal hal yang totally kacau, kayak screwed up my days lately. But at the point, i realize, that there are, somewhere, up there, My God, My Lord, My Almighty, standing there. Planning another big scenario for me. Watching from the distance, and know all the things i've done. I laugh by His permission, and so does when i cried. "

And the conversation flows into another long story to tell. Tapi nggak appropriate kalo diceritain disini. So, i'll tell you the extended story if i was continuing the conversation. :)

"But, there I was," lanjutku. "I was so greedy, I always looking for a good answer and when it becomes so bad, i always asking why. Why and why? 'Why should be me?'. Tapi apa pernah aku bertanya kenapa pada saat Allah memberikan aku kebahagiaan?"

"Mungkin kemarin aku lupa. Aku lupa kalau semua akan berlalu, baik derita maupun kebahagiaan. The old me said that 'shalat ntar-ntar deh. Kalo udah tua aja. Toh gue bisa bisa aja tuh dapet pacar ganteng, nilai bagus, duit cukup dan temen temen baik tanpa harus shalat'. I know that was too extreme, tapi seriously. Aku sering mikir kaya gitu. So, my lovely God show me the twist of the 'happy' stories,"

"It's like He wants me to see.

'Hey,look. This is your proudest boyfriend now. He isn't more than my slave who will turns into a jerk once I write him so. Cheating you with another girl, eh? '

'Hey, look. What else the wealth you have now? You lost your pridest car. Your family is at the lowest point, even haven't found the way to turning back. I wrote you that way, what else can you say?'

'Hey, look. Your happy life is fake. You have no destination. You're aimless.' "

"So, i choose this path. I drop my knee, my heart, my head, my dignity and my everything, upon my new Sajadah. I cried, i exploded, i asking my God for the apologize. For every sin, from the small til the biggest one, that I've done for as long. I freaking out, i'm afraid of the torture of Hell, i know i'm too small and ugly for the Beautiful Heaven. But i'm trying, i know this time, i'll trying. Dan pada saat itu, aku sadar, aku butuh, sangat butuh pegangan. Tamparan keras yang bener bener menggoncang jiwaku, kayak aku butuh uluran tangan, karena rasanya begitu sakit. Sakit sekali.

"And when i believe in my God, He showed me the way. He make it all seems easier, he sent me My Life Teacher, My Unicorn. He sent me you, dear, Rusyda, someone who knocking on my door and dropped me a good book named "9 Autumns, 10 Summers" to make me realized there are so many challenges wait for us ahead!

"So, He gave me a gift after all the exam! Thousand happy things come in to my life! And i'm feeling so.. Brand new :)"

I love this path. Thank you, my Almighty. For every scene that you've written for me. Guide me with your love, God. :)

A Shocking But BeautifulTwist

2011-08-19T07:59:00.001+07:00

I think my life is going so fast dan semua terasa seperti telenovela.
God is a very good scriptwriter, and the scenario is super... amazing. With amazing ending. Tapi ternyata semua belum berakhir. Masih ada twist.
You're just realize that there are still a shocking twist waiting behind. And i cant breath at the first time knowing the fact.
Yeah, kayaknya bakal taking time so much buat ceritain detailnya di blog ini. Bisa jadi nanti malah postnya lebih panjang dari novel dan kalian bahkan capek ngebacanya. And at first gue pikir kalo i dont need to share it here, but.. someone said that my blog is like a novel. Dan dia expect me to keep writing, because the reader don't want read something which has not an ending.
Dan rasanya kurang adil aja kalo yang kalian baca ini berakhir dengan ending yang ditutup-tutupi.

So the ending is.. Pain.
Truly pain. You know, my world was like a water when i met the end, dropped from the highest mountain, break when it kissed the ground. Fragile.

Ok, apa rasanya,
ketika kalian udah berjuang mati matian,
merubah segala yang perlu kalian rubah dari diri kalian,
menepis rasa kesepian yang terakumulasi,
menyayangi dengan sepenuh jiwa raga,
mencoba benar-benar mengerti dan mengaplikasikan apa yang dinamakan "pengertian",
memberikan support di segala situasi,
mencoba tetap optimis disaat dia bilang "Semua baik baik saja,",
memberikan true faith, kepercayaan dan seluruh positive thoughts yang bisa diberikan,
percaya bahwa kalau kalian mencoba, terus mencoba, dia akan sadar,
dan untuk seluruh waktu yang hilang karena mengerti ini semua untuk kebaikan dirinya mengejar masa depan..

dan itu semua itu ternyata terbentang di suatu kanvas kebohongan, berbulan bulan lamanya?

Hahaha. lagi lagi berurusan dengan hal ini. Kali ini, DISELINGKUHI.
Dan mereka bangga akan itu. Shame on you.

OKAY BUT IT'S ALRIGHT!
(i promised my self, not to blabber the anger too much now! I've deleted them from my life. Be noted, from my life!)

Maybe at first i feel so down, breaking or whatever you named it. I dont know what to do. I dont know where to go.

Tapi i through this, with my faith to God. He keep me safe, He give me His hand dan memaksa tulang gue untuk tetap berdiri tegak. He knows, everything. Every details of His own stories.
Disinilah gue merasa gue mendapatkan suatu pengalaman rohani yang tak terbantahkan. Yang sama sekali nggak gue sangka. Gue akuin, selama ini gue bukan seorang muslim yang taat. Gue bahkan pernah mempertanyakan tentang Tuhan.
Tapi beberapa waktu yang lalu gue mengalami rentetan coincidence yang sangat ridiculous dan gue anggep itu sebagai sentilan rohani yang bener bener menundukkan diri gue. Gue jadi sadar kalo gue merasa sangaaaaat jauh dari Allah. And He already sent me a Message Driver. My Life Teacher. Dia membantu gue di masa masa sulit ini, dan benar benar mengarahkan ke jalan yang benar. He reminds me about the power of Shalat, Quran, and how to arrange your positive energy. He reminds me that "You're not alone, you still have God on your heart, as long as you believe Him."

And see? My life is going better now.
Believe me, Life is easier when you believe God.
So much better, better than when i'm with the jerk-you-know-who. Yang bahkan nggak pantes buat gue.
God sent me thousand happy things, among all those pain.
And remember about an old mate already said,
"There will be a beautiful rainbow in the sky, after all those storm,"

The happy things?
I got my parents proud because of my unbelievable GPA this semester.
I realize that i have good and faithful friends like Muhammad Rifky Wicaksono, Rusyda Afina, Rahmalia Adisti, Risdya Levina, Pita Pratita, Febriani Dwi Lestari, Winna Putri Meirita, Amira Intan, Rizka Azizah, Nurmilasari Utami and others yang ga bisa disebutin satu satu. Yang ada kapanpun aku butuh mereka. Yang nggak bosen bosen menghibur gue dan teach me whether it's right or wrong. :)
I got a very cool team and experiences in Sie. Acara SIMFONI 2011. Temen temen yang keren, kompak dan menyenangkan.
And.. find my self, is walking to the better place. To be a better human. More religious, more optimistic, more cheerful, more well-planned, more think-before-act. And i believe i still have a very bright future ahead.

So.. Experience is a hard teacher. Maybe you have to pay a very expensive cost to get those experiences, but believe me.. It works. :)

The Sad Ending

2011-08-14T05:02:00.000+07:00

Pernahkah kalian wondering tentang kenapa manusia bisa menyakiti perasaan manusia lainnya? We live in one earth, one whole place named world. We'd been created by God, from the same blood and bone. Lalu, bagaimana, bisa bisanya seseorang melukai orang lain? We have no rights.

But it was all the theory.
People created by God, not supposed to be lived in the straight and free barrier way. God created us with all those complexity, a unique and a big details for each person. Different. Sometimes, those differences brought people, in coincidence, to hurt each other.

I knew, gue sering menyakiti orang lain. Nggak keitung berapa jumlah orang yang mungkin pernah merasa tersakiti oleh gue. Dan... Gue kadang lupa dan nggak sadar tentang itu semua... sampai akhirnya gue disakiti orang yang gue sayang.

And it makes my memories automatically flash back into the old times. Old fault. Old failure. Betapa gue sering sekali menyakiti orang, persis sama dengan bagaimana saat ini orang yang gue sayang menyakiti gue. Persis. Detailnya sama. So... Karma really does exist, right?

Ya. gue kena karma.
God wants me to feel the way they feel when i did those all to them.
And it's literally bitter. Rasanya sakit. Sesak. Feeling stupid. Merasa semua yang udah diusahain sia sia. Merasa kalo pengorbanan dan perjuangan selama ini nggak ada artinya. Merasa kalo gue emang nggak pernah pantes untuk bahagia, setelah apa yang gue lakukan di masa lalu. Betapa gue nggak berhak untuk dapetin seseorang yang bener bener sayang sama gue.

Rasanya seperti dimanfaatkan.
He took all advantages from me,
and once i gave up,
he didn't even try to make it up,
said that we better off this way,
said that want to chase his dream,
said that he's not ready for a relationship yet,
said that i'm still the best for him...

....and searching for somebody new.
Only in one month.

Pretty, huh?
That's exactly what i've did to someone in the past.
And now i totally feel how does it feel.. to be hurted that way.

It's killing me. Much.
It's driving me crazy.
I just dont know how to live anymore.
I'm feeling broken..
when you had done everything,
every best thing you can do,
for someone you believe that you can tie your future on his hand,
but those things even never be good enough to make you stay in his heart,
longer than a month.

You know. I just really don't know what to do. Really. I don't know.

A Good Love Letter to You

2011-07-28T08:19:00.002+07:00

"Every letter I've written to you has been a love letter, how could they've been anything else? I can see now that all of them, except this one, were bad love letters. Bad love letter beg for love back. Good love letter ask for nothing. This, I'm pleased to announce, that this is my first good love letter to you, because there is nothing more for you to do. You've already done everything. I have enough of you in my head to last forever."
Will Donner - Waiting For Forever (2011)

Wipe the tears. It's gonna be a long letter. :')

Dear, Ochi.
It's an uncreative me who continuing Will's love letter in the movie,
You know, that movie is very good, you have to see it
It teaches me many things.
So, from Will's statement, you can classify my hundreds love letter as…
Bad love letter.
Yeah, maybe it is.
I was hoping you for love back.
I was begging you.
I was fooling my self with a thought that if I wrote it all,
--Like texting--or if you maybe forget you can just look a 14-pages-SMS on your inbox that I sent to you days a go--,
You will back.

Yeah it was me who wrote you a very bad love letter.
And it was also me who crying hard at the Bus which bring me to home,
when you replied it by only one page SMS.

Yeah very bad love letter, isn't it?

Now, again like what Will's already said,
I'm pleased to announce, that..
This will be my first good love letter to you. :)

I spent a lot of time in my life,
to give someone a love,
and to get a love from someone.
Love, come in every rainy days, and go in the end of summer.
Always like that.

I dont know how helpless my face when i saw your face. This photo is the real evidence.

Like when the first time I knew I was falling for you.
It was a little bit raining.
I wore my new white blouse,
washed my hair,
and spray Elizabeth Arden's 5th Avenue to my body.
It's all because I was going to meet the hottest guy in campus,
To buying stationery.

You open the window, and I saw you there,
Wearing your black sweater, smiling me from your drive-seat.
Then I realized you look so gloomy.
I knew, you'd been trough a rough days,
losing your best figure in life.
And from that second, I knew, I will always be there for you.

"Kalo ada apa-apa, cerita aja sama Acha,"she said.

Fool me, I was so happy.
It was like flying in heaven and fully recovery from old pain.
I was trying to be cool when I walk beside you.
But one thing you have to know :
I'm proud.
I'm so proud to be the one you choose to accompany you buying those stationery.
it was like when we passed by,
every girl look at you,
and when their eyes moved to your left,
they were mumbling!
"See who's that lucky girl!"

Yeah it was me.
I was the lucky girl.
And from that second, I knew, I will always be proud of who you are.

"Look, that's my awesome boy! I'm so proud of him," she said.

Everything was going so beautiful.
We trough so many things together.
Cooking, watching TV, cute surprises, designing book, making movie, and organize a wedding.
You know, it was the greatest days I ever had.
We made a good life together.
I'm so thankful, grateful to God,
because He ever let my hand hold on yours.
And from that second, I knew, I will always taking care of you, in the rest of your life.

"Come here, I'll wipe your sweat, with my pink towel. Need anything else, sir?"

Some friends started to say those mean things to me.
"Open your eyes, he's not that into you,"
I laughed and said, "No. You're just envy with me,"
She showed his jaw and looked like a dracula,
"He never be there when you need him,"
My eyes was rolling then yell, "You don't know anything about us! We love each other!"
"See? You're the one who naïve, then."
And from that second, I knew, I will never care what people says about you, I believe in you.

"I dont care what people say. You're still my bear!"

And you were. There. With me.
And you have done everything, the best you can do for me.
You know, it was me, the only one who fault.
What else I should expect?
Why was I asking you for more while you have been so nice for me?
Why was I didn't try more, harder, for you?
Why was I give up?

"Yeah, it was my fault. Stupid me. :( "

One thing I really want right now is..
You have your best time in your life.
Planting your money tree,
expanding the business,
chase your dream,
and find your happiness.

"Mumumumu...."

Your Dr. Feel Good..
Maybe you'll find her someday.
And you'll feel good, exactly good.
Because there will be another girl, a better girl,
Who will be there for you,
Be proud of who you are,
Taking care of you,
and believe in you,
better than I do (if any :p).

"See? I'm happy for you!"

:)

Love,
Aranchi

People Changed.

2011-07-26T08:21:00.000+07:00

Yesterday I received a BBM contact invitation from one of my friend from Junior High School. Okay, maybe he is one of those who ever i mentioned in this blog years ago. Guess who?
Seseorang yang 3 tahun selalu satu kelas sama gue selama di SMP. Seseorang yang pernah mewarnai hari-hari masa SMP gue yang asli kalo dipikir-pikir kocak banget. Seseorang yang... Pernah spesial. Hahahaaha. Check on my 2006-2007 blogpost and you'll find something about this guy. Ok, singkatnya, he is my second ex-boyfriend.

Stop, dont laugh.
Yes this is him, the one who i ever called "mAnTan keDuaQuw" in this blog (i bold this, to dramatize what it's exactly that alaynese means).
Okay you can laugh. Laugh as much as you want.

So this guy, named Priandaru Agung Nugroho. Ingatan terakhir yang saya ingat bahwa dia cowok lucu yang dulu pernah menyanyikan lagu "When You Tell Me That You Love Me" pake gitar dan membuat gantungan kunci gajah yang sangat lucu sebagai pilihan jawaban atas pernyataan cintanya untuk saya. He was so smart, and also funny. He is one of the best guitarist that my school ever had.
(and you have to know, i even smiling all time when i write this.)

Times goes by and we're moving apart after the graduation day. I just know that he accepted as student in Taruna Nusantara High School, far away from here, in Magelang, while i choosed to stay and entering high school in the city. And the last time i saw him is in new year eve 2008 and haven't heard anything about him eversince. And it's a wow. It's almost 4 years.

So, we were hang out soon after we chat on several lines. No, it's definitely not a date, karena: 1) Kita pergi bertiga sama Alam, 2) He's in relationship. So, you know, it's like meeting the old friends you haven't seen for years! It's exciting you know!

Dan gue sangat amazed dengan bagaimana dia sekarang. He showed up with his complete uniform. Okay, sekarang dia adalah seorang taruna di Akademi Angkatan Udara (AAU) yang berlokasi di Yogyakarta. And even he doesn't grow taller, he looks so.. Cool. I mean, with his muscle, his posture and everything. Ok i'm just trying to be honest with it. Hahaha.

with The Captain ! haha

At first everything was going so awkward. It's like you meet this guy and you dont know how to start a conversation. But soon, when the ice is broken, kami bertiga start to talk many things.

And,okay, he's different. He's changed a lot! Bukan cuma outlooknya yang super duper cool, tapi manner, perilaku, mindset, cara bicara, dan tindakannya yang benar benar berbeda. I feel so wow because last time i know him, this boy was the crunchiest and had his own funny way when he laughed. But nooow? Oh my god. He's like a man. A soldier. A captain who'll flied an airforce plane someday.

Alam asked me a question when we had a dinner. "Do you feel so proud to have a friend like him, don't you? Come on! Our friend is a soldier!"

And i just laughed and said, "Of course. I'm proud of you. For your achievement. Hello, the best 5 rank of academic in AAU,"

Dari cerita gue diatas... It shows me that people changed. Every people changed. In every way. You cant ignore this, you cant flee from this. Or maybe you dont recognize that you've changed a lot from the past years.

I do changed. I feel it. In many ways. Like the way i speak, the way my brain goes in solving problem, the way i move on from breaking up things, the way my heart says words, and everything.

I'm not the same little girl who playing softball every sunday.
I'm not the same girl who went to a psycolog to mend her pity broken heart.
I'm not the same girl who could wake up in the midnight for learning, memorizing and preparing the exam.
I'm not the same girl who couldn't speak in front of people.
I'm not the same girl with a good and cute handwriting.
I'm not the same girl who can swing in the playground.
I'm not the same girl with a chevrolet car to school.
I'm not the same girl who make her special milkshake banana by herself.
I'm not the same girl who do all the ways with her old ways.

Anymore.

So, have you changed, People? I bet you do.

Statistic :D

2011-07-25T07:27:00.001+07:00

This morning, gue baru menyadari bahwa ada satu button di Dashboard blog gue yang superduper.. attracting my mind! Dan asli, gue baru tahu ada fitur tersebut ya sekitar lima menit yang lalu.
It's a statistic data about live-traffic berapakah orang yang mengunjungi blog gue! It records about the last 3 years gue ngeblog. Sayangnya data statistik ini nggak record dari pas awal gue bikin blog (2006). Kalo dipikir-pikir, wow banget ya, come on, my blog is already 5 years old right now! Like a child in kindegarten :D
Anw, back to the statistic things, gue cukup tergelitik siapakah orang orang dibalik pembaca blog galau ini. You know, this feature could show you how many people visit you, in hours, week, day, months, year or a lifetime scale.

And it's totally cool... to know that i have at least 20 view pages per day (without tracking my own computer)! And hundred, occasionally if there's a controversial, menye menye, or touching posts and some of my friends love to read my personal thoughts. You know, i'm sooooooooo happy to know that.

And more cool thing, you can track where they usually get the link to your site. And three above link where it goes are my link http://morning-blossoms.blogspot.com, the second is from google, and the third, my berry's blog http://arumratrihapsari.blogspot.com, :D

The best part is to know that what people uses as keyword to googling your blog! See the complete results!

Dan tau jam berapa orang visit blogmu. :)

Anyway, thank you for all people who read this! i'm so grateful to have you here :D

Sunburst on The Winter

2011-07-24T09:39:00.004+07:00

I'm on holiday, finally.

You know, stuck on Yogyakarta for months, bleeding, suffering and keep trying to move on. hahaha i'm too much. Yeah, so my style.

So then i'm searching for my spare dates. Not 'spare' literally, but i'm doing lil force to back to Cilegon. To my home. Leaving all tasks- i brought here some for snack :p- the committees, the short semester, and my gloomy days after the break up things.

And you know, i bring one mission to Cilegon. What's that?

Don't laugh on it, but hell yeah this is my mission : "Mend my broken heart and.. Move on."

I've deleted my UberSocial to avoiding me writing an unnecessary menye-menye tweets until undefined time, til i'm ready to back without those galau tweets. I'm listening to those meaningful songs to find out and streaming this feeling. I'm trying to not depending my happiness to someone else but my self.

Please dont say you think i'm pity. No no! Of course not. I'm just a broken hearted girl who just doesnt know where to start. But once i start, i'm sure i'll be good at it. You know, like my pasts said. Even if it was so hard for me, maybe the hardest one, but for sure, i can be recovered from it at last :)

Like what i tweet on Twitter days ago,

"Recovery is like learn how to ride a bicycle. At first you'll end with pain and swollen legs if ur teacher stop holding ur backseat. But once you can ride by yourself, there's no more pain and you can ride it, free. Like you never fall before :)"

Agree?

Okay, enough for the motivation words in front. I'm afraid if it turns into only a 'wordplay', i prefer to trying my best to work on it. Like what i've promised to him. :)

You know, i'm just start it all with a new mindset about one relationship. I'm trying to take it all easier. I wont ever force anything again. For one who doesn't expect me.
So, start the new sheet and say to the world..
I'm single! And i'm going to be a happy girl like i used to be! :)

I Love Her

2011-07-20T11:40:00.000+07:00

She ever had the greatest things in life, the expensive coats, the most luxury food and trip and.. the happiest family. Her life is turns down when she's in the young age. From up above, to down below. She start to see the new world. One lesson she never could forget is how people, all over the world, will change. Everything is changing, non-stop and sometimes too extreme. She trade everything she had to keep her alive.
Sometimes she can be the most reckless girl on earth. She tends to think fast, take decision fast and act fast. So all the fast she did usually become a boomerang for her own : She'll regret it all at last. Once she does, she will turns into a mess. She is good at express her feelings. Too good, unfortunately. She can easily explode, without seeing and considering who will get the impact of those vulcanic activity. When she misses somebody, she'll tell them, without a doubt. When she wanna cry, she let everyone see it. Shame on you, but for sure, she never ever had an evil reason for it. It's natural.
She is bad in Math, so-so in Economics, good in Biology, and great in Art. Sport is one thing she wouldn't ever good at. She haven't meet her real passion yet. You know, though she said that she great in Art, like singing, design or writing, she never really feel love til death into those things. I mean, she knew how to work on it, but she just doesn't think that "it's my life". One thing she wanna learn before she dies years after is, Dance. She wanna dance. You know, like ballroom dance, salsa, street dance or even Balinese dance.
One advantage (or disadvantage maybe) that she have is she can love somebody with all her heart. Maybe sometimes, it becomes too deep. So when she expects the one she love to love her like the way she do... It's became a tragedy. Because she might be not sastified with all she got.

You Dont Need to Do Anything to Make Someone Stay.

2011-07-20T10:52:00.000+07:00

If you want something, you have to work on it.

Di dunia ini tidak ada yang gratis. Like you can read on your Microeconomics book that "There's no free lunch in Wall street,". Manusia bisa bilang kalau untuk mendapatkan sesuatu, kamu harus mengusahakannya. As simple as, when you want to eat, you have to work for it. When you want to get A score in your Math Class, you have to study hard. And when you want to make someone willing to stay on your side, you have to...

Unless for Love.

Wait. There's no trade off in this case. You dont need to do anything to make someone keep his heart beside yours. Because it's simply wont work. No matter how hard you've tried, if he wants to leave, sure, he'll leave.
And vice versa. If he wants to stay, he'll stay. As simply as that.

You don't need to bended on your knee, asking him to not going anywhere.
You don't need to cry all over days to make he comes to your arms.
You don't need to looked pathetic to get his attention.
You don't need to drop down your dignity to get him back.

So, just play it naturally. Let the world takes it all over. See what the mother earth plans to you and voila! Accept your destiny. Keep your chin up. Fight all days. Smile while you still have your teeth. Dance like there's no tomorrow. And sing a happy song. And before you know, you will find the answer of 8 months "Is he really belong to me ?" question. Or better, find someone new. :)

Far Away From You by Music For Sale

2011-07-17T22:19:00.002+07:00

Far Away From You - Music For sale

My world without you baby its seems so cold

Cant live without you baby I need you so

I would give up all my love if u come home to me

It's not the distance baby that make me go

We never see each other and it make me know

Love that we share was so far that I never show

Baby I couldnt lie that I miss you so

You keep saying good bye and I keep saying hello

Baby I realized that I love u more

This time

And I know it's your future and I understand

I cant be someone baby that you think I am

I was so fool coz I know I was letting you go

I just cant stand to be far away from you

I have my dear realite couldn’t made for you

Baby I made some mistake which you know that its true

Tonight I will be wishing that you will come home to me

But if your not coming I just wanna let you see

Baby I'm not lie because I want u back to me

Tonight I will be wishing that you will come home to me

But if your not coming I just wanna let you see

Baby Im not lie because I want u back to me

Tonight

Farewell?

2011-07-15T01:51:00.003+07:00

Selamat malam.
Saat saya mengetik kata ini, sudah pukul 1.02 dini hari dan saya tidak bisa tidur. Listening to my favorite song all the time, So Right by Music for Sale. Entah, banyak yang saya pikirkan malam ini. Oke, galau? Mungkin. Sekarang sangat susah membedakan apakah saya sedang sedih atau senang. Atau biasa saja. Karena semuanya terasa... Blurred. dan Samar. Cuma antara iya dan tidak.
It's like... you never ever get ready for something named Farewell.

"Love is so funny, when you get hurt and you starting to laugh."

Untuk setiap air mata, setiap jeritan, tangan yang terluka, maupun badan yang tak lagi imbang. Saya hanya tidak bisa menangis lagi. Seperti grafik yang telah mencapai titik klimaksnya. Dan memaksa tangan ini untuk melambaikan salam perpisahan.

Ya tuhan. Saya hanya... telah melakukan apa yang saya bisa. Apakah ini akhirnya? Apakah saya telah sampai dalam inersia untuk berusaha? God.. Am I doing wrong? Am I doing good? Do i need to stop? Do I need to regret?

I'm not ready. I just never get ready to lose you :'(
Saya mencari celah, dimanakah sela yang bisa saya perbaiki lagi. Apalagi yang bisa saya lakukan? Apalagi yang bisa saya perjuangkan?

I remember everything.
For every little things you do. For every little world we shared.
when you fed me up with Pasta when i got a fever.
when you drive me to outer town to let all problem and stress out.
when you surprised me, with all fireworks and 18 piece of Dunkin Donuts.
when you still up for accompanying me studying Intermediate Accounting until the morning came.
when you sing a song for me on the Voice Note when you miss me.
when you get blood because of your Birthday surprise party.
when you hug me and said everything is gonna be okay.
when you lend me your shoulder, and i cried aloud.
when you get jealous when someone lend me his jacket.
when you became the best man and make my mom impressed.
when you and i still up together because of Peacock's Americano Coffee and eat Lasagna at 3 AM.
when you share me how you wanna dance like what we watch on Step Up 3D.
when you forget our 4th monthversary while i'm surprised you with the Chocolate Pudding.
when you and i doing our own High 5 way.
when you and i sang So Right together, drive around the town, breaking the morning.
when you and i laugh together because of your crunchy jokes.
when you and i enjoying our Bakmi Jawa Doring for the first time and had an awkward conversation.
when you bought your clothes as my recommendation.
when you hug me and sorry, and the Broken String play softly on your car.
when you pinch my cheek.
when you knew how i love vanilla and exactly knew what beverage i will order when we have dinner time at Dixie.
when you frighten up when the electricity goes off suddenly and you scream, in your house.
when you and i go to Jogja Karnival and continuing it with Eat Pray Love.
when you and i drink the coffee on box on sideway, in front of XXI, talk so many things.
when you and i cooked and have a barbeque party with your family.
when you call me 'my grizzly bear...'

Am I too greedy to not letting you go? :'(

Tryin to be BZ

2011-07-05T06:00:00.000+07:00

Good morning friends.
I bet you feel so bored with those similar opening words in my old posts. hehe so.. pardon me, DON'T YOU MISS ME, ALL??
I'm hereeeeeee again, after errr.. months. haha. i have thousand high lite you need to read, you need to feel and you need to know! (oh i know how you've been missin me these times :) )
Ready for (another) freaky stunning LIST?
Here we goooo!

Goddess, I'm stay alive... And thousand times busier.
At least it was me who decided to be busy.

Short Semester.
I'm finding it's totally hard to stay in Yogyakarta in this Short Semester (or Semester Pendek in Bahasa) without doing others activities , which is the term where you can fix and upgrade (or downgrade) your previous grade in many subjects, on your holiday term. I passed SP last year cz i prefer to stay at home and doing what Bruno Mars describes on his "Lazy Song". And it was totally my lazy time, stay at home and even had nothing to do there.
I've choosed to take SP in two subjects, which is Management and Economics Mathematics. Both of those are subjects that i've took in the first and second semester, and got only B score in scorecard. I really hope that this SP can upgrade it all to A. Amin. :)

My boyfriend's community service.
Okay, most of you have known that community service is held during this holiday. Community service (or also known as KKN) is the term where last-year student should stay in villages and doing something meaningful to the community in there. And yeah, this is my boy's turn. 2 MONTHS. in Babadan. Ok, maybe i'm too much, Babadan is still in Jogja, but come on, you won't see him as much as you did yesterday, right?

will be really missing you, Bear :'(

So, could you imagine how will my holiday be without him and stuck in my SP term?
Taw. I die. Tragically die because of a boring-session-among-how-to-manage-a-company-and-how-to-make-a-demand-curve-for-one-point-five-months-without-spending-time-with-my-cutest-bear. And my friends? almost all go back home. Enjoying their holiday to burn their skin in the heat of beach summer.

Nah, i'm trying to make my self busy for 2 months ahead.
So, i already have my own job-list for the next 2 months. This is it.

a. Sie. Acara on SIMFONI 2011
Have you ever heard about SIMFONI? Yes! Yes! I ever shared it in here, about two years ago! Yap, SIMFONI is an acronym from Simulasi dan Inisiasi Mahasiswa Fakultas Ekonomika dan Bisnis, or you can shorten it as OSPEK for new students in faculty, like i ever trough in my early first year. About two weeks ago they open a recruitment for SIMFONI 2011 committe and i decide to join it. After two session of recruitment (interview and a fantastic trivia games) and all the tasks, i'm officially accepted in Acara Section. Yeay!
But wait, don't you feel weird with the title i'd join in SIMFONI?
Come on. Me. Arancha Shinta Ayu Andira finally left the Design and Documentation section and moving to another big section, Sie. Acara! hahaha. this is my first experience to be Sie. Acara since 2 years livin in FEB. it's kinda new thing for me but this is it! A GOOD EXPERIENCE TO TRY!

i made a cool curriculum vitae for SIMFONI committee recruitment! :)

b. Alburuuj Wedding Organizer
YEAY! You know, this is another new thing that i've been try in this holiday. Being a wedding organizer (WO) :)
This is my boyfriend's another business since Catering Services and Fellas Resto. What is Fellas resto? I'll post the details in next post :)
So, here i am, with friends, Rusyda Afina, kak Luqman Hakimi, kak Rahmia Hasniasari and of course my Habibi Dewantara go in this wedding business. You kno, working in someone's special day called wedding is such a beautiful job. Come on, who doesn't love wedding? It's only about love between two persons and wedding ring, flowers, family, decoration, finest food and.. happiness! Very interesting.

On the latest wedding we handled, Anisa & Johan's Wedding, unfortunately Afin & kak Mia couldn't join this event. Afin doing her internship at Surabaya and kak Mia is in her community services in Papua. So, me, Bibi and Kak Gembel decided to invite one more person in group! She's a smart and beautiful girl named Uma Hapsari.

With the brides. ;)

Uma! :)

Bear xD

The Team!

c. My Place
Meet my new acoustic band!

Here we go, Acha, Alif and Rifky!
One day i came to Rifky's place to take FFI photoshoot results. And i met Alif there, sing along with his guitar and i join them. Just like that. Singing "The Only Exception" by Paramore and it was so fun. So we decided to make it routine.
Rifky is my friend from Forum For Indonesia (which i will explain later), he is a Law Student UGM 2010 and expert in debating. When i write this post, he's in his international debate competition in Singapore. (good luck ky!) He's such a great guitarist, especially in classical (and also a funny rapper :p)
Alif is Rifky's friend. We never knew each other til i came to rifky's place. He's still in Senior High School, now in 3rd grader. Also a great guitarist and bass-voice singer.
We are still in the same age, on average. I mean, Rifky is older, followed by me and the youngest Alif. We're just separated by one year born, so we act like yeay, we're so click because there's no significant age difference.
We've planned to meet once a week (or more if necessary), just for fulfill our weekend, refresh our soul before the hectic days come over again. We play fusion, from blues, swing, pop or even a Javanese pleton. And doing a fun cover session. If you want to watch it, Rifky uploaded it on Youtube. Check it out! Comments and critics are very welcome!

My Secret Admirer by Mocca Cover and an original song I'm Happy For You written by Me.

d. Forum for Indonesia
This is it! Forum for Indonesia! (shortened: FFI) :)
This is the place where i met Rifky, he is the vice president of FFI. I also met new friends from all over major in Gadjah Mada University.

All team :D

Okay, what is FFI?
From its Bio on Twitter, we're stated that we are "A forum which prepares today’s youth, for tomorrow’s challenges. We envision Indonesia Leads the World in the hand of young talented and committed Indonesian".
:)

This is my department, Media! :)

Yihaa :)

Ruang Panitia Gathering Night 2011

2011-05-22T15:55:00.000+07:00

"Padahal untuk semua yang udah dilalui,udah setengah taun lamanya, gue masih aja ngerasa ngejar-ngejar dia. Nggak pernah sekalipun gue ngerasa dia ngejar gue, bahkan sejak dari awal pertama gue ketemu dia. Gue nangis nangis kayak gini pun bahkan misalnya pun dia tau, dia nggak peduli. Dan dia bahkan tidak bertanya dengan siapa tengah malam nanti gue pulang ke rumah, ask if there is a ride available for me or not. Atau sekedar sedikit khawatir kalau gue pulang malem. Gue ceweknya kan dan he used to be my man, bolehkah gue mengharapkan suatu perhatian yang layak seorang cowok berikan kepada ceweknya? Gue nggak tau kenapa gue selalu nggak bisa nuntut apa apa, my tounge feels like freezing when i talk with him. Dan lagi gue dan dia nggak pernah bener bener membicarakan hal hal seperti ini, everything gone like a wind,

"Harusnya dia bisa kan bohong dikit dengan jawab "Aku kesini mau ketemu kamu, kangen. Sekalian mau nonton hasil film kamu, penasaran, hehe" dibanding dengan jawab "aku diajak sama temen,".

"Oh no, memang karena dia nggak gitu makanya dia berkata seperti itu. Gue kangen sampe mampus, bete seharian nggak dikabarin, tiba tiba muncul gitu aja, masih nggak berbuat apa apa ngeliat gue sedih. Gue tau dia tau gue sedih, i bet he read my twitter, he knew that i'm sad, but he didnt do anything. Beberapa hari ini gue capek banget, sibuk sana sini, stress tekanan mental, dan gue butuh dia. Tapi bahkan dia nggak ada buat dukung gue. Pas bisa ketemu juga dia buru buru pergi, segitu nggak nyamannya ya ada di deket gue? Gue kurang menarik ya untuk bikin dia pengen ketemu gue? Yang ada dipikirannya cuma kerjaan kerjaan dan kerjaan. Okay, gue mungkin terdengar seperti cewek yang ga pengertian, tapi apakah dia juga ngerti gue?

"Gue capek, pe. Hubungan gue sama dia rentan banget. Begitu salah satu ada yang sibuk, pasti jadinya kayak gini. Apa emang bener ya kata lo, 'He's just not that into me'?"

10 Things To Do Before I Die

2011-04-25T21:16:00.000+07:00

Good night people, how are you doin?
Again, it's been a long time since you find me in the last 'galau' post. Uhh, i did it again, wrote a junk and die. -______- it's embarassing.
Well, now i meet my internet connection again! I use it again, my birthday gift from Bear, which is a very useful internet-modem! And ah ya, since i move to a better room, from Pogung Baru to Wahid Hasyim --gosh it's a mile away haha-- i get a better signal in my new room because it's located in the second floor.
A short tell ya, my new room is soo amazing, perfectly comfortable b/c i got an Air Conditioner and super friendly housekeeper here! And it also has a name: Tectona House. You have to look inside my new room, cz it thousand times more comfy and cozy than my old on! I'll post it later about my new place, you can keep my words, eh? :p

So, back to my main story here. This post is inspired by my unyuest friend, Rusyda Afina which has made her 'Things To Do Before I Die'. I havent read hers yet but i already know that her list will be so funny to read! Since i know she's one of the best joker ever--and the inspirational one, it must be a chilly good and inspiring list.

And, here it is. It sort not by the priority or the most or the best things i have to do, but it just sort by what the thing that come first in my mind when i write this. :D

10 Things To Do Before I Die
by Arancha Shinta

1. Meet Justin Bieber.
Seriously. i'm not kidding. it's not only the euphoria effect of his latest concert in Indonesia, when everybody talk about him. I'm belieber, and this is not a new news. haha.
I want someday i'll see him closely and it's enough for me to say " Hello, bieber. I'm your fan and maybe this is the rarest moment that a girl could ever had, including me here, so will you take a picture with me and leave me flying with one hug and a forehead kiss?"

2. A Barcelona Trip
While everybody craving for the romance of Paris and the summer heat of Hawaii, i prefer Barcelona. I have been talkin about this city since i knew it from serial Meteor Garden 2, where San Chai loses Dao Ming Xi in their holiday, which is a start of their tragical story. :(
Yap! whatever it is, Barcelona is a lovely place and gosh, it had a lot of antique and luxurious building there, like old churches, and others romantic places :)

3. A 3 Years New York Living
"..In New York, concrete jungle where the dreams made oh, there's nothing you can't do.."
I might be not know exactly how the new york is but, cmon i think Jay Z and Alicia Keys are already figure it so great in Empire State Of Mind. New York maybe is the real "city never sleeps" in this world, and everybody who wants to prove their self need to make New York as a destination. I call it a "Self Achievement". Maybe it became my long-term career plan, have a 3 year experience living in new york. :)

4. Camping
I never ever had a camping time in my life. Poor me, since i was child, i never get a permission from my parents to go to camp, even for a Pramuka camp activity. Sounds so interesting if i can build a tent, sleep there with friends, bitten by thousands mosquito, sit around the fire and doing the BBQ. Aw. :)

5. Watch Coldplay's Concert.
I'm not a big fans of Coldplay, but i must disclose that i really impressed with the way Coldplay let their music flows over my soul and bring me a real taste about "how the music should be is". And i want to feel it, the real ambiance in their concert, which i cant find in another band's show.

6. Have a Trip with My Complete Family
My dad, my mom, and my sister. i miss the moment where we can spend our quality spare time like the old times, when i was child.

7. Bungee Jumping
What can i say more about it?? Could it be more interesting?? :D

8. Naming my Children "Mahony"
I dont know. I love both the way it spelled and the way it written. Ma-ho-ny. Be ready, babies in the sky, who knows one of you will get this name >_<

9. Write a Book.
I used to be a good writer! (At least that's what you can find in all my posts here, hehe :p)

10. Get married.
Cmon, everybody loves marriage. It's beautiful ;)

Am I Happy Now?

2011-03-06T10:43:00.000+07:00

Akhir akhir ini semua terasa berat, saya merasa sangat lelah. Saya bertindak emosional, cenderung sensitif dan semakin menyedihkan. Entah, saya mungkin hanya kesepian.
Saya melakukan banyak hal sendirian. Seperti saat ini, duduk bersila di sofa Dunkin Donuts dengan memangku laptop dan menulis blog. Sendirian, seperti biasanya. Namun kini saya tidak menikmati kesendirian ini lagi. Saya mulai bosan untuk sendiri. Saya ingin... ditemani. Saya ingin ada tempat untuk bicara. Saya ingin seseorang bisa duduk dan mendengarkan. Dan menanggapi.

Terdengar sangat menyedihkan, ya?
But no matter how far i pretending, the fact is : i'm lonely. I'm not happy.

Saya memiliki seseorang yang semula saya kira bisa menjadi a shoulder to hang on. Tapi saya sadar bahwa semua tidak bisa semudah itu. Setiap orang memiliki hidupnya masing masing, nggak peduli sedekat apapun hubungan antara orang orang tersebut, tetap ada sekat yang memisahkan, yaitu ketika mereka memiliki dua mimpi yang berbeda. The conflict of interest.
Ya, saya sadar sekali, saya egois. Saya ingin dia selalu ada untuk saya 24 jam. Namun yang membedakan dia dengan orang lain adalah, dia realistis. Dia tidak menggombal dengan berkata "Kapanpun kamu butuh aku, aku akan selalu ada," karena pada faktanya, situasi membuat dia tidak bisa begitu. Memiliki tanggung jawab di usia muda dengan segala konsekuensi yang berdampak pada masa depan, apakah seseorang masih bisa memikirkan hal lain yang hanya menjadi komplemennya?
Kalaupun benar saya hanya sebuah komplemen di dalam hidupnya, mungkin saya harus banyak belajar darinya. One thing i need to do now is, melepaskan ketergantungan yang ada saat ini terhadap nya. Sejak awal seharusnya saya bisa menempatkan diri dengan situasi yang ada. Saya tidak bisa menggantungkan diri kepada dirinya, terlebih ketika dia meminta saya untuk itu. Untuk tidak bergantung kepada dirinya.

Salah satu alasan mengapa dia memilih saya adalah karena di matanya saya dewasa dan mandiri. Yeah, maybe, I was. Sekarang saya kehilangan semua itu, saya berubah menjadi seseorang yang manja dan protective. Berlebihan. Cemburu. Seperti anak kecil yang mendekap erat boneka beruangnya, takut seseorang akan merebutnya. Offensive.

Atau mungkin itulah saya sebenarnya? Lalu siapakah sebenarnya perempuan mandiri yang mampu membuatnya jatuh hati pertama kali? Is she me?

Maybe i'm just too tired to pretending anymore.
I am who i am. Untuk setiap tangis yang ada sejak pertama saya mengenalnya, menghapusnya dan pretending everything's okay. Like saying "Hey, it's okay i understand," when the fact is : i'm not. Mungkin benar, perbedaan antara dulu dan sekarang adalah pada saat ini muncul rasa memiliki yang kuat sehingga saya berani untuk berkata "Aku kangen kamu," disaat dia sibuk dengan pekerjaannya. Yang ada bukan lagi "Tidak apa apa, aku mengerti," tapi "Kemana saja kamu? Kamu melupakanku,".

Maaf. Untuk setiap kejujuran yang terungkap. Maaf kalau ini bukan lagi seseorang yang membuatmu memilihnya.

Tapi pembicaraan semalam membuat saya mengerti bahwa to make everything stay in the order, i just need to make a try and make everything back to the track. Saya harus mencoba berubah. Saya berubah karena memang begitu seharusnya. Saya tidak boleh lagi bergantung dengan kamu, saya ingin lebih dewasa dan mungkin akan menjadi seseorang yang kamu suka. Dan ketika saat itu tiba, perempuan itu bukan lagi sesuatu yang palsu dan maya. She's original, mature because that's the real she is, not because the result of pretending.

Be Brave To Realize.

2011-02-24T02:11:00.001+07:00

Hi.
Ini pertama kalinya nulis post lewat bb, jadi maaf kalau agak aneh jadinya.

Halo semuanya, apa kabar?
Mine is not so good. There is so much things left on my mind. Things that never ends to think for.

Harusnya saya bisa belajar dari pengalaman. Harusnya.

I'm not that type who could confess my own feeling. Even if I can, I always left one thing behind, one unsolved and unanswered feeling. Kadang saya berpikir bahwa pikiran saya sendiri yang kadang terlalu dalam sehingga pada akhirnya akan membawa saya kepada praduga praduga yang bahkan belum tentu kebenarannya. So, is it better if I let my brain don't think anything?

Haha. Funny.

Seperti kenapa saya terlalu memikirkan hal sepele seperti apakah sebaiknya saya harus mengurangi perasaan saya yang terlalu menggebu gebu kepada seseorang. Saya kadang berpikir lebih baik tidak jatuh cinta terlalu dalam terhadap seseorang. Itulah kenapa dibutuhkan yang namanya control. But as what you've seen, I couldn't control it.

And it become worse if the one you love is seem like not wanting you as much you want him/her.

From that you'll start to speculating and your mind is fully with curiousity, fear of losing him and.. Sadness. Yeah, just simply sad because you know you're alone there. Alone in that relationship.

And shitty, what if it's only on your mind? Your-stupid-fragile-childish mind, result from too unnecessary deep thoughts? What if in the facts he/she feels the same feelin, same love, same want but only in different way to show it? What if he/she feelin tired with all of your drama and of course, your mind?

Ha, congratulation,you might be officially losing him.

So stop thinking. Do not think. Too hard. And take it all easy.

Try by Asher Book

2011-02-02T22:39:00.000+07:00

If i walk, would you run?
If i stop, would you come?
If i say you're the one, would you believe me?
If i ask you to stay, would you show me the way?
Tell me what to say so you don't leave me.
The world is catching up to you
While you're running away to chase your dream
It's time for us to make a move cause we are asking one another to change
And maybe i'm not ready

But I'll try for your love
I can hide up above
I will try for your love
We've been hiding enough

If i sing you a song, would you sing along?
Or wait till i'm gone, oh how we push and pull
If i give you my heart would you just play the part
Or tell me it's the start of something beautiful.
Am i catching up to you?
While your running away to chase your dreams
It's time for us to face the truth cause we are coming to each other to change
And maybe i'm not ready

But I'll try for your love
I can hide up above
I will try for your love
We've been hiding enough

Holiday Hee

2011-01-25T10:35:00.000+07:00

Fresh air.

when i write this post, the morning in this small town is very fresh and perfectly cooling my mind down. i tend to wake up in 8 or 9 and found my self in my own pink room, then turn the AC off. and in a minute that freezing room turns into a warm-fresh morning. And the first thing to do after i woke up is let my hand grabbing and detecting where my white gemini is, and hoping that will be the red LED light dim-ing there. Then i usually will find You there, greeting me a morning and ask how my sleep was. :)

Good morning, Habibi.

A simple chat in the morning, very interesting and lovely. Sometimes a lil bit funny or even.. Naughty. haha. Okay, thanks God, they invented Blackberry Messenger. I used to reject this gadget yesterday, but whew now i even cant live without it. Okay that sounds too much. I'm not that freak, i'm not that addicted. I'm still the same old me. Except in the part where i hate bb so much-- lately just found the good side of Blackberry invention... Stay connected. (oops seems like i copy paste another handphone brand tagline yeay :p)

Anyway, how is your holiday, pals?

Mine is good enough. back to the small city, back to the antagonist role ( i dont know why i've becoming so rude when i'm here, sarcast and so much honest (too honest?) especially to my family. and so back to the part of past, playin arround with the gang, hangin out in old places... haha that's soo fun!

One thing which is so significantly changes me is..... Eat.

Gosh, i eating in every single time heree! Can you imagine, in the morning, when i just wake up from deep sleep, my mother offering me a delicious fatty breakfast, which i never get in Yogyakarta. I mean i almost-never have a breakfast, i always have a brunch at Ten. But now i eat anything. omg.

By the way, my holiday wasn't a great one. Just good enough. Not an expensive trip or else, i just had flight from Jogja to Jakarta then someone picked me up from airport to home on 1,5 hours. Then arrived home and start this boring and lazy days. Actually i have a free voucher 3 days 2 night stay in Sheraton Resort at Senggigi Beach, Lombok. I surprisely got it in Daniel Sahuleka's Charity Concert Night at Sheraton Hotel, when i'm luckily answer the most stupid and easy trivia question about Sahuleka.

This is it, the Senggigi Sheraton Resort.

The room. I got a voucher for superior room.

The beach. death by those sands....

What a wow me. I got it. haha.

But actually that's not a good when your parents didnt support you to flight to that paradise island, which means they didnt support you in financial things. And which means again, i have to open all of my own piggy bank or rob the bank or sell babies to Canada. Haha, forget it that's not funny, anyway.

Got to be shortened, i cant go there. First, i have no any saving, and even if i have, i'll use it for something more important than this. Second, who will i go with? I offered it to my besties, Winna and we've planned it in the middle of euphoria but just got nothing here now. hahaha. Yak, it back to the 1st reason : Money.

Flight Ticket to Mataram is not as cheap as i thought before, actually. :'(

So forget about the wonderful Lombok and back to the reality : i'll go there someday with my husband. ya kan bear? :*

Okay people, have a nice holiday!

Perfectly Stunning

2011-01-23T17:13:00.000+07:00

The Eighteen Years Old Lady

2011-01-18T06:43:00.001+07:00

Hello here i am, trying writing something in here from my boyfriend's new iPad.
And that's totally interesting, what a good wow!!! Feels like the world is on your hand, you can make it works with only touch touch and touch! :)

So..... Hello everybody!
What's up? It's been a long time enough not to greet you here. Oh im sorry, that's my bad. I've been being busy lately. I've just finished my final exam last weekend and it was totally amazing!!! I always love the euphoria from those moment. I always love the way i throw away all papers and drop out all of the suckest books ever, then spending money and doing everything that makes me happy. Oops, seems like someone who forget the world ya?
But cmon, we're young and we're only born, live and die ONCE! So, enjoy this life and do the da dee dance!

Hmm, you missed sooo much things from me. Last post was written by a seventeen years old immature girl, but tahdaaaa.... It's me! Eighteen ! Welcome me!
Haha, it was happened on 12th January, twelve days after the amazing new year 2011. Oh god, you lost this moment too. I spent my new year eve with my boyfriend, attending Daniel Sahuleka charity concert. Here we are in the wall of fame and we rocks on their red carpet.

Err.. Where the photos?

Ng, okay in fact i spend approximately fifteen minutes to figurin out how to copas a photo from facebook. Hello this magical machine even hasn't a right click option, or where the place i could find the "Save Image as..." or even where the left click option? Or... I'm not doing 'clicking' anyway, this is whate they called 'tapping'.

Okay so skip the photo, i'll add it later from my normal laptop :p

This is the update. Me and Bear at the red carpet! :)

Sooo. Yeah, twelve days after the Sahuleka's Show, i'm officially being a eighteen years old lady! Umm, now i tend to use 'lady' than a 'girl', cuz for sure.... I'm cooler in lady nick, and im trying best to think and act like a lady. :)

And, that might be my best days in eighteen years i breath this air. Got a dazzling surprise from my best berry,Arumchy, and my civil friend, Rana and Yudi. Continuing with the second surprise from Amira and Ajeng, oh gosh this is a definetely shocking surprise, i mean literally. They gotta see me naked coz they brought me a cake and candle to blow..... In front of my bathroom. Hahaha, luckily my heart is not ill or had a heart disease, so i wasnt found dead in my own bathroom because of heart attack for that silly reason. :p

And for all the disappointment of the day- i mean, i thought this gonna be my worst birthday ever, cuz no cake no candle or else or even a simple countdown with your lovely person, and my bf act like the busiest man ever, and my closer friend even didnt get there, and also a very freak lonely karaoke session(okay, im crazy in this part- went to Happy Puppy alone and singing like crazy there)......

Yeah, they got me twist. But the best twist is come from my boyfriend, and my closer friends, Afin, Jupe, Andy and Agung. One hour before my birthday ends, they surprisingly come to my room and filling my door with the light of fireworks!! And also eighteen donuts from my favourite place Dunkin Donut! Whoaaaaaaaaa....

surprised me :')

One more special things this year, my family greeting me a birthday, complete! My mom, my dad and my sister are specially make this works.

I would like to thank God for all the blessin blast day. Thank you for everyone who say me happy birthday and thank you for all the presents, Lovely Books from Berry, Body Shop sets from Mira, and T-Mobile modem completed with Mr.Bean's little Teddy Bear... My God, I love you all!!

The cakes and the gifts :)

And for you, my Habibi Dewantara. I wanna say thanks... Thanks a lot for everything. Now i know why God creates you in my life, you've gotta be... my everything. Oops sorry for love publicity, but.. I love you. Really :)

Me hugs the donuts with muka bantal style! hihi :) and also my beaaaaaar! gendut!

Okay, see you next time, pals! I am so happy :)

Childish?

2010-12-29T08:24:00.000+07:00

"Our super kiddo!"

oke, panggilan kiddo memang udah sangat sering sekali dikumandangkan temen temen gue. kiddo-- it stands from "Kid".

Oke, memang seperti itulah kenyataannya.
Gue anak bungsu, dari kecil selalu terbiasa jadi "adek" di keluarga. Ampe gue segede gini juga orang tua gue masih manggil gue "ade", entah sampe gue ibu ibu juga kayaknya bakal terus dipanggil adek di keluarga gue. Yaaa karena ituuu, karena gue memang anggota terakhir keluarga Basuki Wibowo alias yang paling bontot, jadi no others who could be called as ade.

Lingkungan gue saat ini juga cenderung menempatkan gue sebagai ade, karena faktanya memang gue sekitar dua tahun lebih muda dari temen temen seangkatan gue (angkatan 2009), which means gue seharusnya memang masuk ke angkatan 2011. Karena umur gue yang masih muda dibanding yang lain (gue masih 17 tahun, demi apapun -.- ), they tend to recognize me as their kiddo.

Tapi suatu kali, gue pernah protes.

"Emangnya kalo umur tua udah pasti semakin dewasa?"

Dan jawabannya adalah,

"Emang enggak sih. Tapi itu juga salah satu faktor kedewasaan seseorang. Nggak bisa dipungkiri kalo memang kamu masih bocah, masih piyik, cara pemikiran kamu, secara hormonal juga emosi masih naik turun, apalagi harus adaptasi sama lingkungan yang faktanya memang rata rata lebih tua dari kamu. Kamu dipaksakan dewasa sebelum waktunya. Kamu bagai buah mangga yang belum ranum tapi udah dipetik,"

Merengut.
Oke kata katanya menohok tepat sasaran. (kecuali bagian perumpamaan buah mangga : 1. kenapa harus mangga, 2. gue agak gimana gitu sama kata ranum dan dipetik.)

Gue nggak terima.
"Tapi kan, secara pikiran aku juga nggak kiddo kiddo amat. I can solve my own problem at last, though it's not always easy. Dan aku juga nggak gampang dibegoin, nggak kaya anak kecil dikasih permen langsung nurut."

"Oh ya? Tetep ajaa. tetep aja ada bagian di pemikiranmu yang membuat umurmu yang sebenarnya terlihat, walaupun sedikit. You're tend to use your heart, than your mind. It makes you more emotionally in every ways,"

"Is it an indicator to measure how mature someone is? Sometimes mind is not so good enough to followed by us in deciding something. You should follow your heart too!"

"Nah, this is it. Kamu memang nggak pernah suka mendengarkan pendapat orang. Bahasa jawanya ngeyel. Itulah salah satunya knp kamu cocok dipanggil kiddo,"

-_______________-"

Galau -.-

2010-12-19T00:17:00.001+07:00

This week is a special week.

Minggu ini gue kayak disentil sama Allah tentang hidup gue akhir akhir ini.
This week, Start from Monday and its almost-E-score-for-STI –which I’ve wrote before in the last post. Yak, gue nyaris dinyatakan tidak lulus pada mata kuliah Sistem Teknologi Informasi saudara saudara, dikarenakan kurangnya presensi ! Bayangkan! Tapi alhamdulilah, alhamdulilah! God gives me a second chance, He give me the way!

Singkat cerita, setelah puas menangis seharian dan meratap frustasi memikirkan bagaimana nilai IP gue jadinya tanpa pengakuan 3 SKS bernama STI –namun tanpa pengurangan jumlah penyebutnya yaitu tetap 23 sks—I called my bf and found the bright lights between this case.

Dan lebih singkatnya lagi, tahdaaa we found the way to solve this problem—Thanks to dr. Dea a.k.a mbak Dea (kakaknya pacar, red.), I owe you sooo much! Dan tentu saja pacar yang baik hati mau mendengarkan keluh kesah dan adviser yang baik , I’m lost without you :’)

Oke, meskipun pake bohong bohong sedikit dengan modal tampang innocent harus maju ketemu Mr. G (dosen gue yang ganteng gila,red.), masalah perabsenan ini selesai dengan sempurna dan gue diperbolehkan ikut ujian which means it wont be E and it wont be 2,6!!

Alhamdulilah. Alhamdulilah. Dan ini jelas jelas ngebuat gue tobat dan jadi agak lebih rajin kuliah :D

Itu peristiwa yang pertama. Yang kedua adalah bagaimana di minggu ini kesabaran gue diuji total.

As what I’ve shared before, now I work as coordinator of design and documentation team in Gadjah Mada Accounting Days 2011. Gue overall lebih konsen dalam menangani hal desainnya ketimbang untuk dokumentasinya, karena yeaa as you know, bahkan gue nggak bisa moto indoor malem malem tanpa flash -.-“

Waktu interview open recruitment, gue sangat yakin—sangat sangat yakin—bahwa tim DesDok in akan menjadi tim yang hebat, karena gue punya lima orang staff ahli yang sangat semangat dan skillfull. Ada yang desainnya udah tingkat nasional, kerja ngedesain sampe di jerman segala, ada yg fotonya dewa banget, ada yang kerja dengan penuh semangat dan keceriaan.. dan Gue juga jadi semangat banget dengan tingkat keoptimisan yang tinggi! :)

Namun karena satu dan lain hal yang sebenernya gue juga ngga ngerti kenapa, ternyata dalam prakteknya nggak semulus dan seindah yang gue harapkan. I might be someone who works in perfection, sometimes. And I tend to be so disappointed if there’s a thing-even a little thing- who works out of the line and break against the thing they used to be.

Yak, ternyata mengkoordinasi kerja tim itu sangat susah sekali. Even if It’s not the first time I became a leader in one team, I feel so hard to arrange everything now. Gue juga nggak tau, ada apa ini? Kesabaran gue diuji banget, dan kemampuan gue mengontrol emosi juga dilatih disini.

I also known as Kiddo, like what my buddies called me, but I’m sure I’m not that kid til they cannot even call me as a ‘woman’. Maybe I’m only seventeen right now, and I have 5 staffs who is older than me. But it’s not the reason that they can do everything they want and have no respect with me.

Asli, awalnya ngga tahan dan stress sendiri. Dikejar deadline itu udah biasa, karena emang gue deadliner sejati. Tapi kalo ngejar-ngejar orang supaya bisa kerja memenuhi deadline dari atasan? That’s a big thing. Susah banget. Dan gue skrg merasa sangat gagal sebagai coordinator karena gue masih belum bisa punya jiwa leadership yang bikin para staff gue mau kerja bareng gue.

And.. it’s sucks, anyway.

I think I’ve tried my best to make he works that way, but why he still couldn’t give his best in every given tasks? :(

What I've Been Doing??

2010-12-13T11:42:00.000+07:00

Gosh. What a shame.
I'm feeling so.. Damn!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I even dont know what i've been doing here! I'm lost!
You know what?

I almost get the E score for Sistem Teknologi Informasi (STI) because of my attendance on class is less than 75%. I have been recorded by Academics for 4 times unattended class. Oh my god. I never thought that i'll get the E score! Gosh. E means FAILED! and even they didnt include it on my scorecard!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :(

So what the impacts it will brings?
First, I'll fail in that subject.
Second, my highest GPA will be only 3,2 (that's what Andy have count in Canteen when he see me crying), as if all of my others subject get the A score.
Third, my all others subject wont get the A score!!!!!!!
And the fourth, in the worst case if i get B for all the subjects (exclude my 'E' STI), i only will get the lowest-and-never-thought-before-GPA : 2,6!!!!!!!!!!!
And the fifth impact : I WONT GET THE 24 SKSs SPACE FOR THE NEXT SEMESTER!!!!!!

Oke. Die. I die. I officially die. I officially die! You can kill me now! I allow you to kill me now!

(thanks for Rusyda Afina, Bagus Aldy Prasetya, Risdya Levina, Muhammad Gustri Oktaviandy, Rifkha Pasaribu, dan Pita Pratita for making today better :( )

meet my bear. :)

2010-11-25T13:25:00.001+07:00

commitment. consistancy. control. :)

Falling in Love At a Coffee Shop

2010-10-31T07:11:00.001+07:00

Me singing "When You Love Someone" @ Gathering Night KREASI 2010

"I think that possibly
Maybe I'm falling for you
Yes There's a chance that I've fallen quite hard over you,"

I never thought that I’ll writing this post before.

I mean, writing something about you. About you. :)

You’re so cool ; yeah everybody knows-just in case you don’t know, I have a friend who admits that she is your big fan-or your whiskers, exactly- from the first time she met you. And she envy with me so much when she knew I’m getting closer with you now. :)

"I've seen the paths that your eyes wander down
I want to come too,"

You’re so humble ; you’d love to smile, greeting everyone you know, have a thousand friends, and joking-even if it’s more kinda crunchy than funny (peace :p).

You’re so independent; I never find someone like you before. I mean, you are independent- in the real meaning. You grew up with your responsibility since you were young, while others just enjoying their young-life (which seems so hedonic like party, automotive, womanizing, or unnecessary gadget). You’ve realize that life cant be that easy, there must be something works to pay them off. Yeah, so that ; You are workaholic. Young entrepreneur. With the highest responsibility that a-twenty-years-old-man could achieve. And I’m proud of you.

"I've seen the waters that make your eyes shine
Now I'm shining too,"

You’re so mature ; you could make me believe that your arms is the only place that I can lay my head down in, share my deepest dark story- only with you. Why? Because we made it. I love to brainstorming with you, you can give me a mature and calming solution. I love to share everything with you. :)

"No one understands me quite like you do
Through all of the shadowy corners of me,"

You’re… Similar with me ; we have so many things, the same things. Background, story, thoughts, favorite things, interests, and both of us are a bad sleeper. :p

And thousand characteristic of yours which I can’t tell one by one.

Those are the things that make you seem so… untouchable.

"If I didn't know you I'd rather not know
If I couldn't have you I'd rather be alone"

I mean, how could I find someone who could fit me so good like you do now? Is it real? Are you real? You’re just too good to be true. You fit me good. You fix me right. You fill me up.

And the main question is, how could I’m not falling in love with you?

"I never knew just what it was about this old  coffee shop I love so much
All of the while it was you,"- Landon Pigg, Falling in Love at a Coffee Shop

High School Time.

2010-10-30T11:31:00.001+07:00

hello!
one day, me and my civil friends so craving for our high-school time.
jadi kita memutuskan untuk mengenakan kembali seragam SMA kita dan terus foto hunting! :) :)

me with my mama berry!!!

with Yudi. my new friend from civil. :)


Arum, Acha & Alif. we look so fit with this uniform, right? (anw, I LOVE MY HAIR COLOUR THERE :)


me! dont you ever for a second got to thinking that girl is MY HIGH SCHOOL VERSION! dulu gue nggak kaya gini bentukannya. dulu cupu berat kok :')


gue anak FEB sendiri!! sisanya sipil. hahahahaaa :)

skrg udah jarang lagi main sama mereka. hiks hiks.

What People Do in Their Busiest Weeks

2010-10-22T07:40:00.000+07:00

Akhir akhir ini saya sibuk.
entah sibuk ngapain, tapi yang pasti sibuk.
But for sure, i still have no idea what makes me busy like now! til i asking why to my self " Ini sebenernya gue sibuk lagi ngapain? Why it seems so hard time lately??"

Design, friends, and.. love.
It dominated my life now.

Design.
Since i've been declared as Coordinator Publication & Documentation section on KREASI (Kumpul Rame Rame Anak Akuntansi), til it was over and i've been re-declared as Coordinator Pubdoc again in GMAD 2011 (remember about this? i've mentioned some stories bout that here :), MEANS that my life will be dominated by design, design and design. Posters, banner, movie, t-shirt and arrrrggggh i'm sooo afraid to think about it further. IT KILLS ME WHEN I KNOW I STILL HAVEN'T GET EVEN FOR ONE PARTNER IN THIS JOB! Crazyyyyyyyyyyyy, while every coor have got their own closed-recruitment-person, i have no one! I really hope that when open recruitment be held, i'll catch some worker who can work together with me. In the sunk, or in the prime time. With their ability in design (which is sooooo hard to find :( ).

So, until i got those workers, i did every design by my self. This is two of my teaser-poster of GMAD 2011:


these poster are teaser for GMAD 2011. i made it in 2 nights and it takes so much hours to only think how it will looks good in colour and layout! haha.

And i'll show you my design for KREASI 2010 :)


my first 3D Poster! ini poster tentang pemandu pemandu kreasi dan nama nama maba.you might cant see the 3D things in here. those photos is can be opened if you pick one and pull it up, and you'll see maba name list there! haha gimana ya ngejelasinnya, pokoknya ini poster terunik yg pernah gue buat deh! :)

ini poster calon ketua angkatan 2011! hahaha,. My biggest posters! it stands up among three A3 ivory paper! so when it sticks up on IMAGAMA wall magazine, it takes too much place so we need to take off some other old posters! :)

Yak, that's some design i've built lately. Semuanya hasil kerja kebut semalam. Gue tau inilah penyakit semua anak desain : baru dapet inspirasi beberapa jam sebelum deadline! HAHA i know it's too bad, but yeah you should know that it's coool when you know you're beat the deadline and you WIN! :)

Kalo elo merhatiin desain2 gue skrg, mungkin lo bisa liat bahwa gue agak merubah style of design gue skrg. haha gaya banget ya gue, but it's true, i've changed my style. On the first time i'm doing design things, i tend to use colorful and attractive color! pokoknya yang nge attract mata, yang ngejreng2 kayak pink dicampur biru dicampur hijo dan kuning. Tapi skrg gue lebih seneng pake warna warna yang soft, kayak putih, pink muda, coklat muda dan biru muda, dan lebih main ke lay-outing dan foto. :)

Friends.
I know, i'm aloner! But i wont going to be a loneliner anymore! :)
Now i'm trying to spread my wings, i try to catch up with my close friends as often as i can! Jadi ya... Mungkin ini bisa dibilang agak hedon ya, pokoknya main mulu deh. Gue akuin kalo gue kebanyakan main. Dan tentunya jadi boroos! OMFG, but i need them at the most! I dont wanna be a lonely single lady who walk trough everything alone again. (it's enough for me, i'm not in the broken heart-phase anymore. :p)

Yang paling sering adalah nongkrong di Dunkin Donuts. I love this place, and like i ever wrote here before, this place would be my favorite place. Tempatnya 24 jam dan sooo crowdy there! Gue emg kesini kalo lagi butuh rame rame. Outletnya ada di satu blok dari kosan gue, itu deket banget, gue selalu jalan kaki kesana. Entah sendirian atau bareng temen. (Lebih sering sendirian sih :p)

Partner in crime yg pernah nemenin gue ngegaul disini antara lain adalah my bestie Arum, Olga, Kak Yusrina, Bimo, Saset, Andy dan yang paling unyu adalah sobat gue si bocah bernama Fiardhi Farzanggi. Ini anak bahkan pernah nemenin gue nginep di dunkin ngerjain tugas :D


TUYUL ft. DORAMI. keimbisilan kami nyobain photobooth di macbook barunya si tuyul. HAHA NORAK

Hah now you know how much i love dunkin :-*
it takes me lotta stories and smile. or even tears. i love dunkin, i love dunkin! (ciri orang autis)
hahaha.

Love.
Mungkin lebih pas kalo ngomongin ini pake stylenya Rusyda Afina pas ngomong " Eeeww!".
Agak geli sih, omg love again??
Yaaaaaaaaaaaa oke oke call me ababil or so teenager girl, but yea i've found you :)
It's normally said in this blog, hahaa it records all my stories w/ boys, from the first boy until the last breaking heart boy!! (inget blog gue udah ada dari sejak 2006) hahaha
But i dont know what it's should be called, gue juga nggak ngerti ini apa, love or not or i just generally assumed this feeling as love, but what you need to know is......... this feeling is like..

you listening to romantic songs and one thing that appears on your mind is "wow, gue banget,".

you willing to hold your hunger until the late night, cuz you know there's a probability that he'll pick you up and have a late dinner together. Like he usually did.

you are very in your full-charged-spirit to come to Campus because you're only sure that you'll see him there!

you wanna mention him on Twitter, just for saying how much he inspired you, but you're in a big doubt between do it or do it not, cuz you're afraid that he'll think that you are a soc-network girl who always blabbering on twitter. (padahal iya) HAHA

you always sing you-and-him soundtrack everytime and your mouth cant stop humming your favorite lyrics part and you want him like the lyrics figure you out and everything so beautiful!

:)

girl in love. :p

But i still dont know. Ah, dont ask me about it :p (sok artis)

So Right by Music For Sale

2010-10-21T06:20:00.000+07:00

Love is so funny when you get hurt and you're starting to laugh
just standing alone now figuring why everything was going so fast
and all you've wanted was someone and love will take care for the rest
like I can do...like I want to...for so long...

Love is a puzzle and all you need is someone just to figure it out
don't look away babe cause u know I always be willing to try
I'll wait you right here babe cause I know that baby I'm not fooling around
baby I want you...just only you...for so long

Baby, I know what you feel and I'm so inspiredhoney, if you let me with you I'll fix you right
So Right....
We might as well go on together
cause baby I can love you better
if you realize

I know that you're sad babe and all you need is love but love was not easy to find
don't look far now cause you know I always be waiting in front
I'll always be here even though I know you always left me behind
Baby I want you...just only you...for so long

I want to love, hold, give you all the care that you needrelax baby when you're with me cause I'll be the one who holds you tight
tonight, baby when we're together, this feeling will take you further and you'll be alright...

maybe i'm not ready to surrender over you. i'm too in love ! so let it be So Right, okay?
:)

Surrender.

2010-10-17T09:55:00.002+07:00

Surrender.
Kalau kata Google Translate, artinya menyerah.

Kemarin pas lagi nonton Eat Pray Love, kata itu diucapkan beberapa kali. Lupa tepatnya dimana tapi nggak tau kenapa kata itu nyangkut di otak, rasanya gatel karena lupa artinya apa. Sampai kosan langsung buka google translate dan phewww. Artinya menyerah. dan langsung mblegedeg ngerasani jiwo. ( haha i also dont get the point of mblegedeg things, ini asal doang, kayaknya di bahasa jawa juga ngga ada haha)

Surrender.
Kata yg jauh lebih oke dari give up. :)
And, after it i feeling so.. into this word. Listening to Fix You by Coldplay, repeating thousand times that night.

When you try your best, but you don't succeed,
When you get what you want, but not what you need When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

So damn brushing my mind. Rasanya kayak, yeah. Film dan lagu dan permainan kata, kompak banget buat bikin gue berpikir malam itu.

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

You do the right things. You trying to get what you need, not only what you want. You willing to let your life changed, sacrify your young life. For reach what you really need and what you're expected and supposed to do. I'm proud of you. So proud.

And, it makes me realize that.. When you love someone, but it goes to waste. Ketika kamu mencintai seseorang dan itu terasa sia sia. haha, you do the right things when you place me in the right place. when you telling me what your vision, your plan, your heart.. and i absolutely understand. before it's too late. sebelum aku berharap terlalu tinggi dan menyalah artikan semuanya.

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

But, maybe I'm too in love to let you go. hahaha, funny. how we laughed at people who easily saying i love you yesterday. tapi ternyata.. yeah. maybe now i'm falling for you. Itu salahku, gampang banget ya suka sama kamu. Yeah maybe because you are lovable HAHA (gombal lagi) :p

So..
this is what people called Surrender.
i'm surrender. to chase you. :')
(okay, bagian ini terasa terlalu frontal dan menggelikan)

Maybe this butterfly-beautiful-feeling occured after our one brainstorming night, ketika akhirnya aku nemuin orang yang satu pikiran sama aku. sharing how the world treats us bad and how we've been expected not to be failed to trough anything.. and breaking the dawn together, singing So Right by Music For Sale and drive around the town..

And yesterday,
You make me understand what and where on the place i would be in your eyes. You make me understand for everything, and i'm totally got it. :)

When your hold my shoulder and we stand together against all the crowd. You keep me safe, you lead me best..

When you hold my hands, i lay my head upon your shoulder, wish the time will stop and the movie wont find its ending forever. When you are sleep there because of this drama movie, i looked at your tired face and feeling so hard to kill this feeling. You, who is supposed to standing alone with all those responsibility, looked so innocent that time. Your eyes closed and you look like a baby. pure and.. untouchable.

For one second i felt so stupid to hoping you at the first. you know why? because you're just too good to be true. Dan karena harusnya tau kalau memang dari awal you have no time untuk hal hal seperti itu. :)

Dan, it's okay. :)
I just know that i want you to succeed, happy, and health! And i always be there when you need someone to share. And i'm so proud to know that you believe me. when i know I became one of your small amount of people who you trust at the most. it's hilarious. :)

So.. This 'Surrender' thing is not so hurts, anyway. I mean, loving someone is doesnt always mean that we should owning each other. Nggak ada yang salah dengan cinta yang bertepuk sebelah tangan? hahaha.

I'm so happy cz i have a chance to get closer with you ! Thank you, you made me realize what the real meaning of life :)

Light will guide you home
and ignite your bones
i will try... To fix you.

semangat! life is like a challenge to win for! and i always be there to support you! :)

Welcome Back, Arancha!

2010-10-17T08:08:00.001+07:00

Hello pals!
Long time no see you here, i have no idea how could i do this to you! i abandoned this blog for more than a month, sorry! :(
Bukannya nggak mau nulis, tapi ya.. haha. there's nothing i can say. and i'd rather afraid to write a post again that time :p

me! and Rusyda! :) i look so fresh right?

And...
How are you, pals? I'm so much happy when the last time i open my 4shared pages and figurin out that there are 70 downloader of my "drama-life-stories" pdf. Haha, no no. i'm not happy because for sure, i hate publicity! I'm happy because i was there between all the ugly truth, and you all were there for me! You read it all, gave the feedback and make me feel better. but yeah, like what you could find in this blog, i've shared whole of my life and it couldnt be stopped, and i'm helpless to realize that i couldn't do another things except blabbering on my own blog! Padahal kalo dilihat sekarang, di masa masa sesulit apapun, kita masih punya jutaan teman yang setia menanti dan dengerin kita. It's sooooooo much better than only writing words in blog and everyone read it and voalaaa! Everyone knows and feels pity to us. -.-"

Oh goddamn, i'm not writing anything for all of that reason- which means gue nggak ingin cari simpati orang. All i wrote is only what i've thought, dan kebetulan pada saat itu yang gue pikirin adalah yang sedih2. Hahahaha. Maaf ya, maaf banget, apalagi sampe jadi nyampah di sesuatu yang bernama VLOG. hahaha, now it seems so funny to watch banget deh, it records how much i lose something big in my life that time. I'm not regret it all-yeah even though being so dumb and pathetic in public eyes is an embarassing thing.

At least this blog is record everything. For the good, and the bad one.
And you also need to have one record like i do, it will bring you back home when you lost somewhere in your way to chasing your future. :)

Some of my friends thought that i've died after the last post, mereka pikir saking stresnya gue dan depresinya sampe nggak pernah ada kabar lagi di blog. Ya, it might be true. but not at all . :p
i admit that i had been so depressed and fell into the lowest cave of my life. it's embarassing, again, to let you all know how i put my self after the past abandoned me like the way people abandoned their Friendster account and directly moves to Facebook. And yeah, after bored with all, they left Facebook and live in Twitter. Tapi yaa. emang itu yang terjadi, but like what i've said, it's okay. it's okay even how much it embarassing me, I'm happy for all this time. I'm happy for you :)

old photo! with my Julia Perez, Pepew! :-*

But, everything was going so fast!
And voila, i'm healed. I was recovery from those crap! :)
Mungkin yang baca post gue dan nonton VLOG gue mikir " ini bocah ngga akan sembuh kayaknya, hidup dia melas banget sih,"
hahaha i also have that thought, actually. waktu itu mikirnya juga gitu. "gue nggak akan bisa normal lagi,"
But yeaaah! Kenyataannya? i'm back, ppl! i'm baack! :)

Me, is available in the new version! maturer version. and.. take-it-easy-er version. :D

Welcoming me back, live your life and forget all the past!

with my lovely buddy, Levina! see? i can smile so wide now! :)

First Vlog: Apologize, and I'm Happy For You

2010-09-06T06:51:00.001+07:00

It's my first VLOG.
and yeah. it's my biggest apologize to someone, for all i've done to him. (i use vlog to say this, at least to let him know that i'm still human, not a bars of text which could talk named blog :p)

i'm very sorry. sorry for everything. sorry for anything which isnt should be there.
sorry for all of this publicity. i really dont meant it to you.
ppl, dont judge him, i'm crazy like this is because on my own brain. not because of him. he ever be my lover, i respect him. and all of my posts about him sometimes just based on what i feel, my own perspective. he's not that bad. he's such a good man. call me too much in those posts, because for sure, he is not that bad. hehehehe :)

i hope everything is clear now and i dont want you save that anger too long :)

And, my last song for him. "I'm Happy For You" Created 5 hours ago.
once more, I'm very sorry. Sorry.
hope this is will be very very last thing i will posts in cyber world, i dont wanna bothering him that far.

(i've texted the subtitle in this video to make it understable easily.)

When It Is Called An End

2010-09-04T20:22:00.001+07:00

When i post this, i've just finished in writing it.

It's for you. No matter what you think about me after read it..

Sorry if it takes a lil time to download it. Cuma biar nggak terlalu mudah di akses orang.

read it ya.

Irreplaceable (Cover)

2010-09-01T18:13:00.000+07:00

You dont know how much i love this song :)

Pulang

2010-08-24T20:20:00.001+07:00

16 Agustus 2010, 03.34 a.m

Tersentak.

Saya merindukanmu.

Saya melihat tulang yang berserakan. Bau anyir dimana mana. Kemudian dengan ceroboh Saya bangkit dari kursi berwarna kuning itu. Kemudian Saya berjalan, menekan tombol itu dan membiarkan tangan ini memutar pedalnya, meninggalkan gegap gempita merah dan kuning yang temaram.

Sepi. Kali itu jalanan masih sangat sepi. Hanya ada satu, dua kendaraan yang lewat. Seperti kota mati. Yang hidup pagi itu hanyalah rangkaian cahaya yang terbentuk dari lampu jalanan yang kotor. Angin berhembus, tidak kencang tetapi sangat menusuk tulang. Suara gesekan sampah yang menyapu jalan dan jangkrik yang berbunyi krik krik krik. Harmoni nada yang terbentuk mengiringi pagi yang gelap. Saya senang kegelapan. Karena tidak ada siapapun yang melihat diri Saya disana.

Jadi Saya bisa bertemu denganmu.

Lurus, Kiri, Lurus, Kanan. Saya hafal jalan ini. Karena memang tidak ada yang berubah, semua masih sama. Struktur jalan yang sama, detail toko yang mengitari dan patok patok yang sama. Dan juga satu menara yang bersinar dikelilingi oleh kilat, maka dari sana saya tahu saya harus belok Kiri. Benar-benar sama. Jadi Saya tidak akan kehilangan arah.

Dan Saya akan menemukan kamu.

Roda dan gigi, bekerja pada porsinya masing masing. Saya hanya memerintahkan. Saat itu Saya mengantuk. Bukan, lebih tepatnya mata Saya yang mengantuk sehingga ia memutuskan untuk tidur. Tetapi jantung ini tidak bisa tidur. Degupannya sangat kencang, darah yang ia edarkan membanjiri seluruh tubuh Saya. Bukan karena ia takut oleh celurit yang sewaktu waktu bisa menghantam dan membuatnya terburai. Bukan karena ia takut oleh gelap dan bau melati yang menyelimuti.

Tetapi karena Saya akan melihatmu lagi.

Lurus, Kiri, Lurus, Kanan, lagi. Saya masih hafal jalan ini, karena memang tidak ada yang berbeda. Tulisan di plang-plang toko yang masih sama, bundaran yang masih bundar dan tiap belokan serta bau yang sama. Yang berbeda kali ini adalah warnanya. Hanya ada hitam.. dan cahaya lampu kuning. Tidak hangat, sangat dingin. Udara dingin yang berevaporasi menjadi embun membasahi Saya. Saya sampai lupa kalau Saya hanya memakai sandal jepit.

Tidak apa apa, kamu yang akan menghangatkanku nanti.

Jembatan itu sangat gelap dan Saya memutuskan untuk berhenti disana. Saya menghirup udara yang dingin, melihat ke bawah sana dan menemukan aliran kehidupan yang hitam. Hanya ada suara gemericik yang tidak nyaman dan membuat gelisah. Namun tidak ada seorang pun. Tidak ada siapapun disana.

Tidak apa apa, kamu yang akan ada sebentar lagi.

Lajunya sangat kencang. Saya memerintahkannya begitu. Karena disini tidak ada siapapun, sehingga Saya ingin cepat bertemu kamu. Sampai saya telah berada di satu jalan lurus dan Saya tidak harus belok. Jalanan ini milik Saya malam ini. Saya boleh berteriak dan bernyanyi. Saya boleh menangis. Saya boleh mengijinkan jalan ini mendengar!

Saya menyebut namamu!

Dan.. Belokan terakhir. Pertigaan antara minimarket dan jajanan khas Jepang. Jantung saya meloncat. Tidak ada lampu jalan yang layak di jalan ini. Gelap gulita, tapi di ujung jalan sana Saya telah melihat warna. Warna kuning. Warna kamu.

Kamu! Kamu! Kamu!

Roda berhenti. Dan Saya hanya berdiri. Hati saya mencelos. Saya tidak bisa melakukan apa apa. Saya diam dan mengalami inersia yang panjang. Di luar sini dingin, bau dan menakutkan. Jauh lebih menakutkan dari sepanjang kegelapan yang baru saja saya lalui. Saya tidak mau disini. Saya mau pulang ke rumah.

Tapi kini saya tidak punya rumah.

Saya tahu ini bukan tempat saya lagi. Rumah Saya telah pergi.

Kamu pergi!

Saya tidak bisa pulang ke rumah lagi. Tergantung tulisan TERJUAL di depan rumah ini. Benarkah?

Saya tidak percaya, bahkan Saya belum mengepak barang-barang Saya.

Saya berada satu langkah lagi, untuk memasukimu. Hanya satu langkah terakhir dari puluhan kilometer ini. Untuk mengetuk pintumu.

Saya ingin pulang, tolong Saya.

Tapi kamu punya penghuni baru. Dan Saya menangis pasrah, tertunduk di depan rumah saya sendiri. Menangis sampai tidak ada lagi yang bisa Saya lakukan.

Saya tetap ingin pulang.

Saya membunyikan klakson dan pergi. Saya tinggalkan rumah itu, saya tinggalkan barang barang saya. Nanti kalau rumah itu telah kosong, saya akan mengambilnya kembali.

Kamu tetap rumahku.

Pagi itu ketika matahari mulai terbit, air mata Saya telah kering dan saya tertidur pulas di jalanan.

-from S to W-

Photo Session with PEJOANG :)

2010-08-18T21:05:00.003+07:00

you may call me the loneliest girl on earth now.
going everywhere alone, my day filled with my autism things and i think.... it's.. not so bad.
like just now, i'm in new dunkin donuts outlet near my kost since several hours ago. alone.
this place is so cozy, quiet and.. comfortable. it supposed will be my new favourite place :)

did you noticed something? this is my new hair colour :)

i really begging someone to give me any job, iyeuuh i'm very jobless and pathetic, my day is always spent only on my room, and i became more hedonic than ever!! everynight going to cafe, just searching something crowd to make me not feeling alone anymore. driving around jogja, from NORTH to SOUTH, with my very pity Honda Beat, then realize i just go nowhere. even i have no friends to walk, talk and get some fun with. yaa, i've done my biggest fault : i always depending my whole life with one man, then when he walk away, he just left me some loneliness because i have no one except him in my life.

but it's okay! i'm okay. :))

i told my Rusyda Afina, the most GAUL girl in Yogyakartes to take me everywhere i could get a crowdy in this time. then she offered me something very different -> Being Model of her clothing line! :))

first i laughed a lot because iyyeuuuh, me is not so-so-so a model! my body is not proportional, over weight and i'm not even photogenic. but i think it's not a fault if i give it a try, soooooo...

tahdaa...

Barong Shirt, so INDONESIA! must have item :D

Afin and her friends of Pamanaba (sotoy abis) make a new cool clothing line, PEJOANG which based on their love to our INDONESIA! You must to see their clothes, very cute and so INDONESIA :)

i had a photo session with Galuh, Echa, and Azka as the models in Alvin Photograph Studio! they are so great, the team and the models- except me yaa, i'm such a bad newbie :(

Ini dia si Rusyda Afina! ekstra ngakak liat muka afin.

Adenya Afin si miss Bantul yang oke berat, Azka!

My Favourite shirt!! this is a green-eco-earthy shirt, and it is so cute!!!

My fave photo!! Azka and Galuh did a great job. and look at their shirt? Bersatoe Kita Tegoeh!

Galuh and Echa. they are so cute!

Ini dia team Pejoangnya! They are very creative and cool!

Those shirts is so amazing and you must to have one or more in your wardrobe! just click their page on Facebook : http://www.facebook.com/pejoang to order these!!!!!!!!!!! :D :D :D

Yak. my life is changed so fast and i've tried to make it not so bad.
I live my life again, with or without them. I can do better! I can do better!

moving on is so hard. moreover my self is not same anymore, i even dont know who this girl is, why she becames so bloody moron and feel depressed all the time. and half of my life is stealed by someone who even dont remember what he've done. :(

how could i move on when i've been in love with you? - The Script, The Man Who Cant Be Moved

nci nci glodok. gue baru sadar gue ada darah cina.

The Man Who Cant Be Moved

2010-08-15T10:50:00.005+07:00

picture taken from here.

Songwriters: Frampton, Andrew Marcus; Kipner, Stephen Alan; O Donoghue, Daniel John; Sheehan, Mark Anthony;

Going back to the corner where I first saw you
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag, I'm not gonna move
Got some words on cardboard, got your picture in my hand
Saying if you see this girl can you tell her where I am

Some try to hand me money, they don't understand
I'm not broke I'm just a broken hearted man
I know it makes no sense, but what else can I do
How can I move on when I've been in love with you

'Cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street

So I'm not moving
I'm not moving

Policeman says son you can't stay here
I said there's someone I'm waiting for if it's a day, a month, a year
Gotta stand my ground even if it rains or snows
If she changes her mind this is the first place she will go

'Cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you see me waiting for you on the corner of the street

So I'm not moving
I'm not moving
I'm not moving
I'm not moving

People talk about the guy
Who's waiting on a girl, oh whoa
There are no holes in his shoes
But a big hole in his world

Maybe I'll get famous as the man who can't be moved
And maybe you won't mean to but you'll see me on the news
And you'll come running to the corner
'Cause you'll know it's just for you

I'm the man who can't be moved
I'm the man who can't be moved

'Cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we meet
Oh, you see me waiting for you on a corner of the street

So I'm not moving
('Cause if one day you wake up, find that you're missing me)
I'm not moving
(And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be)
I'm not moving
(Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet)
I'm not moving
(Oh, you see me waiting for you on a corner of the street)

Going back to the corner where I first saw you
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag, I'm not gonna move

aloner going to be a loneliner

2010-08-14T21:07:00.001+07:00

yeah, now i'm back to this Yogyakartes, got a amazing welcoming jackpot since the first time i arrived here.
mulai dari nggak ada internet di kosan (hal yang sama sekali gue lupakan karena memang inilah rutinitas keadaan kosan selama liburan : pemadaman koneksi internet), nemu hampir semua undies gue berjamur karena waktu sebelum pulang ke cilegon gue nyuci dan gue mengangkatnya terlalu dini sehingga belum terlalu kering, gue lupa sama pin atm gue karena kelamaan nggak ambil duit jadi setelah tiga kali nyoba dan atm gue terblokir satu hari, gue nekat mengecat rambut gue jadi red-violet lagi seperti jaman dahulu, kali ini kena sedikit trik nakal para pekerja salon sehingga kena 300 ribu rupiah, dan yah... hidup gue 180 derajat berubah deh ya. adaptasi besar besaran sedang dilakukan lagi. gue serasa kayak maba, yang baru ada di tempat baru.

Ya, Yogyakarta memang terasa sangat..... asing.

Sekarang gue lagi duduk di Coffee Break, sendirian. Persis kayak setahun yang lalu pas pertama kali gue sampe disini, gue ngautis ke CB dan ngenet karena emang jaman dulu belum pasang internet di kosan. Rasanya kayak flashback aja, dulu langsung foto foto di CB dan upload di facebook. (mihihihihi alayabis).

ini yang sekarang LMAO :))

Dan.. yah. lot of memories. cant describe it one by one.

pernah belajar bareng Akuntansi Pengantar I disini.
pernah nemenin ngerjain laporan keuangan disini.
ngambek ngambek juga pernah.
hahhahahhahahhah. (mulai lagi deh)

yaaah. hidup gue disini...
ng.. sepi. sepi sekali. gue bahkan bertanya2 apakah gue punya teman selain mereka.
hehehe.

aduh. pengen pergi aja dari sini, sumpah.

Inception

2010-08-08T10:25:00.001+07:00

Hello pals!
yesterday i went to the cinema to watch one box-office and very popular movie nowadays : Inception.

picture taken from here.

HA! how coould? di 21 cilegon bisa ada inception? gosh. amazing. secara biasanya 21 cuma ada film2 indonesia macem Nakalnya Anak Muda (oh tuhan, apa ini) dan Selimut Berdarah ( idk what the point of this title. so what if my blanket is bloody? haha). Tapi emang dasar Cilegon sih ya, film barat selalu telat masuk, sedangkan film kacang indonesia cepet banget dan tepat waktu premierenya!

i went there alone. hahah. ngajak pacar? gaada, lagi jomblo. ngajak gebetan? iyyuwh. manaada. ngajak temen temen ternyata ngga ada yang bisa. yaudah sendirian aja. lagian hari gini belom nonton inception? :p

Based on my big curiousity about this movie, which has been discussed since about one month ago by people arround me, i watched it. then i wanna give a lil' result about what i got yesterday. Banyak hal yang gue pertanyakan sendiri, dan daripada kayak gitu mending gue tulis di blog. (iseng, gada kerjaan, red.)

Ok. Start with lists ya.
(bagi yang udah nonton boleh ngajak saya diskusi ttg keanehan2 ini)

1.Totem. One thing that i'm still confused is about Totem. Mungkin gue yang nontonnya ke skip atau ketelatan mikir atau gimana, makanya gue masih ga ngerti. Sebenernya totem itu benda apa? Punya kekuatan magis kah? kenapa dia bisa jadi indikator apa lagi ada di dunia mimpi atau di dunia nyata? Kenapa totem bisa terus muter kalo di dunia mimpi dan di dunia nyata enggak? And by the way anyway, bukannya totem di buat sendiri sama si Dreamernya ya? kayak punyanya si Ariadne (Ellen Page), dia buat Totemnya dalam bentuk Pion catur. Tapi kenapa di antara team tersebut, yang keliatan make totemnya cuma si Cobb (Leonardo Di Caprio) yang bentuknya kayak paku payung yang bisa spinning (<- ahaha ini ngaco)? Yang lain punya apa engga? Lagian kalo totemnya Ariadne bentuknya pion catur, gimana caranya totem tersebut mengindikasikan bahwa dia ada di dunia nyata atau di dunia mimpi? Berputar juga kah? ehem. emang bisa?

2. The way Ariadne architecting the setting of the dream. Dalam first lessonnya, Ariadne nge arsitekin mimpinya si Cobb, yang seluruh kota jadi kayak satu box gitu (360 degrees). Disitu awalnya gue nangkepnya dia mengarsitekturi dengan pikiran dia, dan dia terlihat bekerja untuk itu, kayak pas dia lagi ngebangun kotanya sambil jalan jalan dan ngatur2 gitu. Tapi dalam misi, dia nggak terlihat ngebangun settingnya.Apa settingnya udah dibuat sebelumnya pas lagi persiapan itu? Yang pake labirin maket itu? Gue juga bingung apa hubungannya membuat labirin labirin dalam bentuk maket ala arsitektur (yang kayak digambarkan pas persiapan sebelum misi Insepsi ke Robert Fischer) yang dibuat sama Ariadne dengan setting dalam mimpi orang orang. Pas bagian ini selalu aja diliatin kalo Ariadne ngejelasin ke orang orang di depan maketnya (no sound), padahal sampe detik ini gue masih nggak tau gimana caranya dia mentransfer gambaran di maket maket tersebut ke dalam otak orang orang dalam team.

3. Mesin ajaib. Masih nggak ngerti kenapa dengan menekan tombol di tengah mesin setengah koper itu, orang orang bisa langsung ter-connect dalam satu mimpi. Punya kekuatan apakah itu mesin? Kenapa dengan nyambungin kabel kabel, ditaro di denyut nadi tangan dan blast! they're connected. By the way anyway, siapa yang nyiptain sistem masuk ke mimpi ini? Bapaknya Cobb kan? Apa dia juga yang buat mesin setengah koper ini? Ajaib abis.

4. Limbo. Sebenernya kehidupan di limbo itu kosong banget ya awalnya? then why dont they just built a projection about people gitu? kayak yang dilakuin di lesson pertama nya Ariadne. Orang orang di sekitar situ adalah proyeksinya si Cobb. Nah tapi gue mengambil kesimpulan bahwa dalam limbonya si Cobb & Mal ada orang orang lain juga, karena ada kereta yang dipake buat mereka bunuh diri gitu. Who drive it coba kalo bukan orang? :p
Tapi pas yang 'Kick' terakhir itu, yang Ariadne sama Cobb masih ada di tingkatan terdalam barengan si Mal, terlihat bahwa ga ada orang lain di kota limbonya si Cobb & Mal.
Ok, dan sejak si limbonya Cobb & Mal adalah tempat terdalamnya si Cobb, kenapa dia masih bisa loncat ke limbonya seito? There is a special connection between the limbos?
Oh ya, yang Seito udah jadi tua, berarti dia udah bertaun2 kan hidup di limbonya dia sendiri itu? Nah, jalan satu satunya balik ke reality cuma dengan bunuh diri. Akhirnya dia bunuh diri nggak sih bareng si Cobb? ngga ada adegan yang menunjukan itu kan? tau tau udah balik ke pesawat aja kan.

5. Ending. Yak, most people discussed about the endings. ya itu, pasti "is it already in the reality or still only on the dream?? where the place is he now?". Pada bingung soalnya si totem ajaib nya si Cobb muter ngga berenti2, means itu dia msh di dalam mimpi. :| Okay, sekalipun itu msh dalam mimpi, itu mimpi di tingkatan yang mana lagi?????? bukannya dia udah masuk ke limbo (tingkatan terdalam) dan jalan satu satunya cuma bunuh diri dan setelah kita kira mereka bunuh diri dan balik ke dunia nyata ketemu anak anaknya segala, ternyata si totem aneh itu terus muter. Ah apa sih itu totem ngerusak aja. hahahhahah. dan nasib orang2 dalam team lainnya gimana? mereka selamat kan?

Haha, that's all.
kalo ada yang punya ide ide menjawab pertanyaan2 saya ini boleh kok ngajak diskusi :) this is only my opinion, kalo kalo gue beneran kelewat beberapa adegan sampe ngga connect kaya gini. :p
But overall, this movie is uniquely different! idenya boleh deh. cuma apa yang orang bilang menurut gue lebay deh. katanya bagus banget. tapi kok pas gue selese nonton, gue kaget dan langsung bertanya tanya "hah? terus apa? terus gimana? gini doang?". Kayak cuma 'gitu doang' gitu. hahahah, sorry yaaa cuma pendapat. :)

And i love my Leonardo de Caprioooooo <3 dia ganteng banget :p

.....

2010-08-06T21:39:00.001+07:00

i dont know what i should write as the title in this post.
this is one of my holiday project, design and creating IMAGAMA Website. but it's kinda confusing, anyway. i have nothing to explain, to share, because maybe it's better if i dont. got some bad news, disappointing and confusing things, and unclear business which til now i still got no point in those decisions.
:(

but alright.
i'm just a newbie. have no bigger authority.
even for talk. i feel nothing i can talk.

so, i think it's fine.
and for entertaining myself, i'm gonna show you my project. (at least it doesnt be a useless thing because i can show it to my lovely readers)
just in case someday someone or a company read this post and interests with my design style and need a web-developer for them.(wondering :p)
taraaa, this is it ! :)

the homepage! and y k what, the main picture in center is a part of slideshow, so the picture changes every 5 seconds. :)

this is "About Us" page. you can find all about imagama here. :)

HAHA.
that's preview of this web. All you have to do now is go to
www.imagama.co.cc

and if you like it, TELL ME! <3

just in case you wanna know :")

2010-08-05T14:27:00.002+07:00

hello, i'm supposed to be continuing my holiday-job, which is designing IMAGAMA's website. Yak, it's almost done, just need a lil finishing. but i feel so zero, you know what, i los my sense of design! iyyeuwh. i need an inspiration :"( - so i decided to writing some words in blog first mihihihihi :)

it's been so long for me not to taking a picture :) so it's long time for you too not to see my face, right? haha. i lost several kilos of my weight lately. so.... i post my recent picture here.

i found Es Lilin Njonja Besar in here! my fave : avocado :)

***
when i woke up this morning, i pretty smile and then suddenly i feel so.. hmm. such a tremendous thing. i feel so great. greater than any other morning in this mess holiday. ya, i can tell this is the most messy holiday, cuz it takes so much things in my life. but i cant pretend that it's not the most unforgetable holiday ever. just imagine, i lost my boyfie only in one week after the holiday starts. it's a big deal, big thing. i cant say that it didn't ruining my daily life, because yeah in fact, it did. then after all those storm, i pick my self up, arrange the broken pieces of my life one by one, until finally it built- at least those became a life, though it's not as perfect as before the holiday.

trying to be exhausted lately, mess up everywhere with my podiums friends (including making new enemies-who-actually-i-dont-know-before :") ) and i feel so back to my junior high school time. meeting my accel class, doing band like the old things we usually did, went to the beach, visiting Api's house, karaoke, hang out somewhere and hello-back with my ex here. yak, we had a great time, it's cool. at least our broke relation is going better. :")

and this morning, he finally contact me again, after all his busy activities . he is an activist on his campus, and also the most brilliant student i ever known. for a engineering major student, he got very very excelent score! ya, like he always did in High School. so proud for you :)
.
his simple text makes my mood blowing flying and shimmering! it takes me to the past, like you've been re-watching an old movie with you as the actress and yeah the stories goes slow and.... ah. so beautiful. even though it just a little thing, but it's prove that he still care even in every his hard duties. (be noted, not in his holiday. :p )

Ah, from this story i realize that being cared by someone you hope is very...gratify. everyone needs care. just simple text per day, just asking "how are you?", "how is your day?" is more than enough to show us that he still care. that's the simplest way to make a woman feels happy. it's very easy, huh?

Friends, my life is going better step by step.
(just in case you wanna know :p)

i'm not crying anymore.
i'm sleeping well now.
and i can erase my pain, a little.
and like my buddy, Risdya Levina said " When all the pain & anger are gone, you'll gonna forgive. and forget :)"
i dont wanna save this anger. no hard feelings left.
so...
my old favourite sentence :
let's time speak for future. :)

Paris, France.

2010-08-03T11:01:00.000+07:00

Kayak di kelas Management, dalam suatu organisasi, kita harus punya Goals. Dan untuk mencapai Goals tersebut, kita harus punya Plan.
Same with our life, we need a plan to achieve our goals.

Wake up at 09.00 o'clock this morning after Sahur (i do fasting everyday lately haha), tiba tiba bokap nanyain gimana tata cara bayar BOP sm SPP semester ini. Dan gue yang seperti biasa nggak tahu menahu (atau ga mau tau?) langsung buka portal akademik kampus gue yang bernama Sintesis.
Setelah dapet tata caranya, gue iseng iseng mengitari halaman halaman yang ada di Sintesis, and my eyes attracted to one link title: " Exchange Journalistic Program To Paris by Sciences Po"

Wow. Paris. France.

:")
who doesnt want this city.........

yak, gue terlena beberapa saat dan langsung sibuk buka sana sini. Dan diketahui bahwa ini ternyata program untuk para jurnalis. haha buat mahasiswa sih, tapi dikhususkan buat yg punya minat sama bidang jurnalistik karena disana pun bakal dapet training ttg jurnalistik selama kurang lebih satu semester.

it's a big wow! then suddenly i realized that i'm not even a journalist.
gue bukan anak pers kampus. satu satunya diri gue yang terkait sama bidang jurnalistik... apa ya? nulis blog? (bercanda)

Yah.. gue jadi menyerah sama program ini. Hahaha. :))

Tapi gara gara ngeliat ini, gue jadi kepikiran Paris. I never thought about Paris which can be my 'going-abroad-destination'! gue punya cita cita banget dapet beasiswa exchange ke luar negri. tapi sampe tadi pagi gue nggak tau tujuan negara gue kemana. Dan yak.. France. Paris. :")

So...
That's my long term goal. Going Abroad to France by Scholarship :)

And..
My Short Term Plan :
1. Take English Course, conversation class. i've never take an english class in my life before. makanya bahasa inggris gue cacat secacat-cacatnya, asal sepik doang, and very ungramatically. Gak salah kalo TOEFL gue ga nyampe angka 500. :( Tapi tunggu titah dan ijin mama papa, we had a problem in economy things (another old story), so i am totally understand that it's not that easy for me to take an expensive english conversation class. but we had talk about it, dan mereka sudah mengijinkan gue untuk mengecam bangku kursus bahasa inggris. :)

2. TOEFL test, from ETS! I think it will helps me so much in order to my plan about going abroad! TOEFL Test dari English Testing Service (ETS) dari Amerika biasanya berlaku general dimana mana. misalnya mau go abroad kemana, syaratnya pasti kalo TOEFLnya 550 dari ETS. My last TOEFL is only 470, when my university held a TOEFL Test for every new students last year. Ya emang kondisinya ngga kondusif juga sih, tes toefl di GSP, udah tempatnya kegedean, orangnya banyak banget, gaada mejanya dan speaker yang gak 'asik' deh. Mana itu cuma TOEFL-like doang kan? (apa bedanya? gatau juga mihihihi)

3. Rajin cari info beasiswa. Gue tadi udah dapet beberapa yang oke, salah satunya Erasmus Mundus, beasiswa yang ditawarin dari pihak Uni Eropa buat orang2 luar eropa yang mau sekolah disana. Wow banget itu, cuma itu beasiswa buat gelar master sih, jadi harus lulus S1 dulu. program yang ditawarin banyak pula. Emang sih buat dapet beasiswa ini susah banget, gila dalam satu program cuma bisa dua orang dari satu negara, itupun harus beda Universitas :|
Dan yang daftar kan ribuan.........

Jadi harus persiapin ini dari lama! Setaun dua taun mungkin nggak cukup buat ini, jadi harus dimulai dari sekarang! Perbaikin IP, make it as perfect as i can do. Belajar Bahasa Perancis. (yang ini agak susah soalnya english aja belom oke dan money has a first role there hahaha). Nambah Pengalaman (biasanya fresh graduate yang udah ada experience dalam bidang yang digeluti punya kans lebih gede dapet beasiswanya).

Hahaha. bermimpi dan berencana sah sah aja kan? ;)
Wish me luck, dear!

wish#8 : Brand New Me, coming soon!

2010-07-31T08:18:00.002+07:00

Orang jatoh bakal selalu bisa bangkit lagi.

Orang yang stuck sama sesuatu bakal selalu bisa move on.

kebanyakan orang gagal bangkit dan move on karena orang itu sendiri yang nggak mau.

broken heart might be so hurt, but it's not the end of everything. it's not the end of your whole life.

Gue tau emang susah buat sembuh, tapi gue yakin jutaan orang yang sedih akibat disakitin orang di dunia ini AKAN SELALU bisa move on.

Ini mindset yang sekarang telah gue bangun dan berusaha gue pertahankan selamanya.

" Lo nggak pantes buat gue. Dengan kayak gini, Thanks God, gue jadi tau pacar yang selama ini udah gue pacarin ternyata aslinya kayak apa. Buat apa pertahanin orang yang bahkan nggak mertahanin lo? Buat apa nggak ngerelain orang yang bahkan sangat rela elo pergi? Buat apa usaha buat orang yang nggak mau usaha buat lo? Buat apa nangisin orang yang bahkan nggak tanggung jawab sama lo? Buat apa mikirin orang yang bahkan udah sibuk sama cewek cewek? Buat apa stuck sama orang yang bahkan udah lebih dulu move on? Buat apa terus sakit hati sementara dia udah mulai melanglang buana deket sana sini sama orang lain? oh ya buat apa sih minta maaf ke gue kalo nggak niat? Nggak jelas juga kenapa lo minta maaf. haha. You look so happy without me, so how could i'm not? Move on! You have decided this way, then you should go for it! "

Dari mindset baru gue ini, gue merasa ter-push-up untuk selalu semangat. Setiap gue lagi bengong tiba tiba kepikiran masalah kyk gini, berulang kali otak gue meng-copy kalimat kalimat ini dari otak gue, dan mem-paste nya dalam hati gue. (ceileh hahah)

Dan.. kalopun ada sesuatu yang hilang dari hidup gue, gue berusaha buat nge-ikhlasin semuanya. Make it as "Past" in the present and also future. Dengan ini gue harus banyak belajar buat selalu inget masih banyak yang sayang sama gue. masih banyak yang do care of my self.

The best part of this case, gue jadi tau, someday we will find only one man who loves us no matter WHERE WE ARE, no matter WHO WE ARE and no matter HOW BAD WE ARE. Gabakal ada yang sayang sama lo sesayang dia ke elo. He is your soulmate. Dan gue rasa gue udah pernah menemukannya, tapi gue nggak menjaga semua yang ada. It's absolutely my fault, but it's okay. Like i ever said in my old posts : "Love is like a circle. We will always back to the place where we begun. :')"

Okay everyone, happy single!

*sorry for those mellow crap posts! ini mungkin post terakhir gue tentang kebodohan2 gue akhir akhir ini. tenang, readers, blog gue ga akan kotor gara gara ginian lagi deh. :) thank you! :-*